Sometimes it hurts.

It’s been one of those weeks. Tons of tiny, little things going wrong and all adding up to a not so good after all kinda week. Seems I have more and more of those kinds of days, weeks and years. So, what am I doing wrong? Well, if I knew, I would change it!
The thing is, I have this…issue…for lack of a better word, with authority figures, criticism, whether it is intended to be constructive or not. Simply put, I have a major problem with confrontation of any kind! I don’t like it. I don’t like to feel insuperior, looked down upon, made to feel ‘not good enough’. I don’t like to be talked down to or even a harsh or criticizing tones. It hurts my feelings and even something more, something deeper down. I don’t know why it is, it simply is.
Everyone tells me, ’suck it up’, ‘don’t take it personal’, ‘let it roll off your back’, or ‘get over it’. Well, I do get over it, it never even takes me that long to do it. Meanwhile, I still hurt inside. There must be something in my programming that causes me to feel this way, like a little child who is being punished as that is exactly how I feel. I even cry most times. It’s more than embarrassing! Someone barely raises their voice to me or I ‘feel’ like they are angry with me and I get upset. I don’t know what it is. I have always been this way. I don’t like it.
What is worse is, if it is someone that I look up to, someone I care about, or someone I consider a friend, it’s a million times worth. The pain cuts much deeper and something happens to the esteem in which I held that person.
Is something wrong with me? I have been told too many times to count that I am ‘over sensitive’. I believe that in my case, it is not such a good thing and that it detracts from my ability to ‘function’ normally in social/work type situations. I have to admit though, there is a tiny, tiny part of me that wonders…what if more people were a bit like me, a little bit more sensitive. Would that be such a bad thing? Maybe we would all deal with each other with a little more care. Maybe we would all actually stop and think before we said something or dealt with someone in a certain manner. Maybe if we were all a little bit more sensitive to each others feelings we wouldn’t have this whole society of children now that simply don’t care about any one else. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. I can acknowledge that. But, I still wonder.
I look around every day. I see the way that people have become, I see the way that our neighborhoods, our communities, even our relationships have become. Something is missing, something is gone. I am sure that all the psycho peoples out there can give you answer to the problem and probably even a solution but, I’m not one of those people. I am simply a mother, a friend, a person who feels, sees and wonders. Seems more and more that I look around, the sadder I feel deep down inside and sometimes, most times, it hurts.

A Geek-Wanna-Be!

Hello...
I believe that I am for now, a very, very small fish in a very, VERY large pond. What I mean is this, I am a 45 years young woman, in an age of computers and technology, who has not forgotten the good ole days and yet has this over whelming desire to be a geek. Computers are my passions and I love all the things you can do with them. The problem is, I don't know how to do all the things I want to do and I believe, perhaps incorrectly, but I believe that I am too old at this point, to learn. I want to be a geek, I do, I do! I want to have a famous blog, I want to design the most awesome website, I want to write this totally awesome computer program I have in my head! I do! I just don't know how.
So, for now, I will simply do the very best that I can do. I will continue to drewl over everyones super cool and popular blogs and web sites, I will continue to mess up my HTML and loose all the stuff on my home page, I will continue to loose all my passwords and important emails that say 'for your records'. I will continue to forget what email I stored where so I wouldn't loose it and I will continue to be a 'geek-wanna-be'.
When I get into Heaven tho, that is a different story! I know that God is saving this monster of a computer for me to play on and all I'll have to do is speak to it and it will do whatever I ask! Batta bing*!* I have the coolest blog you've ever seen! Abracadabra!*! I have the most amazing Website with all the bells and whistles! Bibbity-bobbity-Bo!*! I have this program designed and running that I always wanted to! The best parts...? I can never delete the wrong files, spell check is automatic, passwords appear like magic, it has never ending memory and processing speed and it knows what I am thinking and wanting! Wooohooo!
That will be my reward for being born a blonde who in her heart, was born a geek!

Happy Tuesday!

Good Morning,

It's Tuesday morning and I had a little time this morning before I tredge off to the trenches.

I hate working. LOL Don't we all? It's not the 'work' part I hate, it's the getting up, getting ready and getting out the door that I don't care for. I LOVE early mornings, that is not it. I just hate that I am being forced to get up early, 4:30am. I only love the early mornings when it is my choice to get up and be up.

I love the people I work with, they, for the most part, are very supportive and caring people. It's just my job that brings me down. It's a 'no brainer' type of job. I like to be challenged, to be kept busy. With my job now, I don't have that. But, it pays the bills, or kinda anyway.

I would love to be doing what I love. I would love to be on the computer all day, every day, creating, creating and creating! I love blogging, working in my paintshop pro, creating scraps, working on my psp list business, all of that. And, I do my best work late at night. With having to get up at 4:30am, staying up late is not an option.

So, I am here when I can be and create as I can but, there is never enough time in the day. It is my stress reliever, my escape. It is my passion.

How many of us really 'work' at a job that is our passion? How did you get there if you do? Why don't you if you don't? I would love to know.

Till next time...God keep you!

Mental

Oh My Gosh!

"Hello! Computer! Do you hearrrr me?" *peering and growling at the beast* "I did NOT mean to lose that HTML thingymabob! Now you put it back here right now!"

*Smiles in that Ha! I am blonde, I rule and you drewl kinda way while filing nails and waiting for puter to fix what 'it' goofed up!*

Yeah know, it would be sooo much easier if the computer could read minds. I mean just think, you could get sooo much accomplished so much easier. I know it can't but, wouldn't it be great if the computer did what you WANTED it to do and NOT what you made it do?!! That would be awesome!

I really believe that somewhere out there, there is a programmer that could take my ideas, make a 'Blonde' program and we would both be rich! I know just how it should go too! *Grins in that seeeeee, blondes are NOT stupid way* You just have to be able to cut, copy, paste and drag everything! Simple! Viola! Seriously, I have some really great ideas here! Especially for Web Designing! It could be sooo easy! The computer would have all the layouts, knowing the secret HTML thingy codes and all like it does, it would let you pick one, then, you could drag all your pics, music, blinkies, fav sites and all onto that page and Bada-Bing, Bada-Boom, one totally awesome Website! And see how easy that was?!

So, call me programmers! We will hook up and I will help you out! I am off now to the sale at the mall and of course I have my phone!

*Smiles in that I told you so kinda way and checks the mirror one last time*

That was fast!

Yesterday I was happy to see a free sample offer in my email box! Wooohoooo! Free is always great! It was from Tide, their official site. It was for Tide with Dawn in it.

Now, I am a die-hard Tide fan and user. I pay the price for Tide rather than buying 'generic' laundry soap as I do with most other purchases I make for the family. So, I was excited to see this offer for a free sample.

Following the instructions, I went to get my free sample. It was maybe 3 minutes after getting the original email.

Did I get my free sample? NO! I got an error message instead. This offer has expired. Wow! That was fast.

Why did they bother so feed me this little morsel, this tidbit of good news only to yank it all away? Just to let me know that he who holds the freebies has the power!

Altogether, the day just went the way of the freebie. Too fast and too empty.