Friday, July 18, 2008

Good Days and Bad Days!

This week has simply flown by! I have been so busy with all the adjustments here in the Mental Home as well as working to build the business. It's been crazy!
Sometimes, I simply don't know what to think or which way to turn! It's like being out of focus so you stand real still, afraid to move because you aren't real sure which direction is the right direction, the safe direction.
It's been a week since leaving my temporary job. I miss the security of that. I miss my friend Aubrey there even more. I get my last pay check from that position today and no more in sight. I am simply terrified! I pray that God will lead me to where I need to be and constantly remind myself that my life belongs to Him and that I have turned my life over to Him. So, when does the fear stop? I was taught that when you turn your life over to God, you are granted peace. I haven't gotten the peace part yet. The fear still rules my life. There are times when it is so bad, it physically manifests itself. I get headaches, stomach aches, snappy and unable to function. As a person with Social Anxiety Disorder, SAD, it sure doesn't help any to be unemployed!
I went and filed for unemployment on Monday. I didn't even get to talk to a live person so, I have no clue as to what will happen. We have become so dispersonal as a society. It's all about 'line em up, get em in and get em out' and forget that they are human beings! I left with even more questions than I had. Plus, there are so many more people out of work that assistance is backed up. It's a sad state of affairs for our country.
So, as I look for work, work on getting the business going, I debate what I am doing wrong and what I am going to do. I am still toying with the thought of going back to school. I am so leaning in that direction but again, the fear looms up and kicks me in the gut. I hate living in this constant state. I think that if by Tuesday I haven't heard anything on a job, I will call the ITT Tech councilor and see if I can set up an appointment with her to discuss options.
I guess that's about it for this rant.
Till next time...
Mental out