It's early afternoon and despite all the running around I have had to do today, my concentration level is at it's lowest.
Over the last few days, weeks, months, my mind just keeps drifting to the past. I know that the past is gone and that we shouldn't dwell there. It's not a conscience thing, it just happens. I miss some people that I left there, back in the past, and it still hurts. I still care for them and wish we had that relationship/friendship again. I don't think I can say or do anything to bring healing to the relationship and in all honesty, I don't really know what I did to loose it but, apparently it was something. If I could fix it, I would. If I knew what to say or do, I would say it, do it, but I don't. I guess they felt that they were making the best decision for themselves and I have to accept it and just hope that they are happy in their lives.
I guess that I am one of those people that when I come to love someone, I love totally and completely, with all my heart, from the depths of my heart. Once given, my love stays forever. I often wish I wasn't that kind of person for in truth, it's caused me gut wrenching heart ache, time and time again.
It isn't just relationship love but friend love as well. I love my friends, those I can count on one hand and it seems that they can hurt you just as deeply as a lover or partner. Maybe I take relationships much to seriously. That is how I am and how I have always been. It's just the way I am. I think that if I could change it, I would.
I have to let go of the past to live my life in the here and now to it's fullest. I will find a way to do that someday but, until then, for those that were a part of my life but no longer are...please know that I am sorry for whatever part I played in the decision you made, that I long for your forgiveness, that you are still in my heart, and I think of you every day. I wish only love and happiness for you.