Saturday, January 15, 2011


It's Saturday and I am at work. Yes, bloggin at work, don't tell! :O)~ Saturdays I work alone and basically 'mind the store' if you will. Today is a very, very quiet day. Haven't had one in a while and I must confess I am enjoying it! Getting some work done and just taking time to breathe. Listening to MY station, singing out loud and feeling better today than I have in a long, long time!
Hubby and I still working on things. It will take time but this last week has been awesome! He is 3mos sober, as far as he says and I know, no going to doubt his word as I have no reason too, and I am extremely proud of him! This is a major thing!!  Go hubby!! I continue to pray for him, for us and our relationship. There are many, many days and moments when I feel fear and 'wonder' but, I have to let those pass, have to take a deep breath and hold on to his vow of not wanting to drink any more. It's what I choose to do.
Brandon, my son, is still not talking to me. I made the choice to forgive my husband and give him another chance, one of a million, still it was my choice. My son made the choice not to and walked away from us, from me, pretty much 'dis-owning' me. It tears me up inside, it is one of the most painful things I have ever dealt with. I keep it to myself. I understand that it was his choice and he believes he did the right thing. He choose not to walk down that destructive path with me, I understand that. I just think that he could have handled it differently, then and now. He has made many of the same mistakes that he condemns for and yet, he was forgiven, even expecting to be forgiven. I feel like he is well, I only did that a few times and he has done it hundreds. Maybe but, I am so glad God doesn't count!! And I bet if my son thought about it, I bet he would be glad that Mom doesn't count mistakes either. Anyway, I can not change his mind, his thoughts, or his decision. I can not change his actions. He chooses to live a life full of anger, bitterness, hate and negativity. I feel so sorry for him. That is so not living life. I pray that he heals inside and can begin to live life with joy and some happiness!! I don't know why he is filled with all these things but, I do know that he chooses to hold on to them and that is his choice alone. He can only blame himself for his life even tho he chooses to blame everyone else. I still love him with all my heart and always will. I continue to pray for him daily.
Ok, peanut butter sammie done and it's back to work, for now anyway.

Mental out