It's Over

After almost 12 yrs of some really hard work, a whole lot of pain and heart break, it's finally over. After another night of drinking, he took all the money, mine and his Mom's, my truck and our youngest son and headed out to KY leaving me with nothing but pain, loss and ALL the bills. I can't even begin to tell you of the mess he left me with and the amount of money it will take to clean it up!!
How does a person do that? How do you rip lives, a home and your family apart? I just don't get it and I never will. But, you know what, I am accepting the fact that there is something in him that just doesn't work like it should and it never will. I am so tired of the pain and the constant lies. If it wasn't for the fact that I am out of work and he left me 2 months behind on every single bill and then some, I think I would actually be happy. If not for the stress of not know which way is up and which was is down, I am actually at peace. It is incredibly painful to know that someone just decided one day that they didn't love you any more but, when that person has hurt you so much and for so long, I guess the love dies in your heart as well. So maybe it's more of an ego issue than a broken heart issue and that is incredibly hard to admit.
So now, it's like living in a giant black hole that I just can't find my way out of. I pray and I pray and I pray and things still keep getting worse. I honestly don't understand it and don't know how much more I can take! In just a very few days, I will no longer have electricity. I can not find a way to pay the bill that he left. I have simply run out of options. I will no longer have a home for myself, his Mother and our children. I have called every organization possible and no one will help. I have applied for every job under the son and nothing.
I am told again and again that it will change, God will help me but to be honest, I can't see it. I feel like a person living in a world that I am just not part of. I drive down the road and I 'see' around me but I don't feel it. It's like being in an alternate reality that I am just not a part of. I don't 'feel'. There is nothing left. I am empty, I am broken and I am a shell with only emptiness inside.
It's a matter of 500.00. That is what it would take to keep my home, keep my kids in their home and I simply can not come up with it. As I watch t.v. I see these reality shows like the Kardashians and how the Mother has spent 4000.00$ on a dress, just one dress, that she will wear only one time and I want to just die!! Do you know what that 4k would do for me and my family??!! OMG! I just don't see the justice in it. I cry and cry and yet I feel that God simply doesn't hear me! He can't be listening or this wouldn't be happening! I keep telling myself it just can't be! But, it is. In 5 days, I will be homeless. There simply is nothing left for me to do. How do I tell my children???? I just don't know!

Mental Out

Updatee

Well, after almost 3 weeks in the shop, I got my computer back sans new motherboard. Guess what? It still doesn't work!! So, it's back to Best Buy in the morning and I am going to have a chat with the Geek Squad! Makes me so mad! In the paperwork it says you have to return it for repairs 4 times before they will replace it. That is crazy! It's only 8mos old and still having issues since the first month! Grrrrrrr! My WOW time has been severely limited and that makes Mental MENTAL! Guess we will see what they say this time.
So, kids all moved in and the house is PACKED! It's crazy here but so far, it's not been so bad. Hope it keeps up.
No news on the job front. :O(  Please keep those prayers coming! Nothing for hubby yet either.
Guess that's about it.

Mental Out

Quick update

Busy, busy, busy here in the Mental house! Kids moving in today, it will be very crowded but, you do what you have to do. Puter still in the shop! :O(  I can't wait till it gets finished! Still praying for a job and/or unemployment to kick in.
All in all, just dealing with stuff one day at a time.

Mental out

Update

So, time for an update....
On the unemployment front, I still am...unemployed that is. I found out that I won't receive my unemployment for about 8 weeks more! How crazy is that!!?? It's already been 6 weeks! That is also IF the company doesn't fight my claim. Yikes!
Good news though...I did have an interview that I am VERY excited about! I feel it went well and it is a PERFECT fit for me and with my background, for them as well I believe. According to the interviewer, he will finish interviews this week, most likely on Wednesday, and then will select the top two to further interview. I am beyond nervous! I sooooooo want this job!! Beside the fact that I desperately need it. Please keep this in your prayers.
Nothing from the Church so, I am guessing that we weren't awarded assistance. That is ok, things will work out. Speaking of Church, the service on Sunday was amazing! The message was great and the pastor giving it was fantastic!! Tons of food for thought as well as laughter. I left feeling energized, reflective and ready for the the week.
On the down side, my computer is in the shop and they are telling me 2 - 3 weeks. GRRRRRR!! I am praying it is a warranty issue and can be fixed! I have to have it! lol Borrowing one really isn't fun! Time sharing on puters doesn't work!
Mer Monster left for FL for a week yesterday. I was missing her last night after I got home from running for the day. Ah well, a week will fly by and she will be home and I will be yelling at her again.
Guess that is about it.

Mental Out

Monday, a day of stress!

Today is Monday. I go in a few moments before the unemployment review board. I am praying that my x-company will not fight this!! If  we don't get the benefits we will most probably be homeless. I know that God knows this and have to leave it in His hands, it's all I can do at this point. There is sooooo much riding on this appointment today and I am so nervous. I am sure they won't make a decision today but, I really pray they do as it has been a month already!
No news on the bus driving job as of yet. I think I will give them a call in the morning just to check in so to speak.
The church, http://www.seacoast.org/northcharleston, will be meeting today to see if we are awarded a grant to pay our rent. God, again, this too I place in Your hands!!
So many things pending on these decisions over the next few days. I really could use a Blessing or two!
Anyway, will fill you in if I can.

Mental Out