On top of it all...

On top of all the mess I have going on in my life right now, I go and get sick! Not just the sniffles, or a simple headache, no....full blown, puking my guts out, in bed, feel like death sick!! I have so much to deal with, so much to try and get down and can't do a thing! It's simply not fair!! When will it all end?!!

It's Over

After almost 12 yrs of some really hard work, a whole lot of pain and heart break, it's finally over. After another night of drinking, he took all the money, mine and his Mom's, my truck and our youngest son and headed out to KY leaving me with nothing but pain, loss and ALL the bills. I can't even begin to tell you of the mess he left me with and the amount of money it will take to clean it up!!
How does a person do that? How do you rip lives, a home and your family apart? I just don't get it and I never will. But, you know what, I am accepting the fact that there is something in him that just doesn't work like it should and it never will. I am so tired of the pain and the constant lies. If it wasn't for the fact that I am out of work and he left me 2 months behind on every single bill and then some, I think I would actually be happy. If not for the stress of not know which way is up and which was is down, I am actually at peace. It is incredibly painful to know that someone just decided one day that they didn't love you any more but, when that person has hurt you so much and for so long, I guess the love dies in your heart as well. So maybe it's more of an ego issue than a broken heart issue and that is incredibly hard to admit.
So now, it's like living in a giant black hole that I just can't find my way out of. I pray and I pray and I pray and things still keep getting worse. I honestly don't understand it and don't know how much more I can take! In just a very few days, I will no longer have electricity. I can not find a way to pay the bill that he left. I have simply run out of options. I will no longer have a home for myself, his Mother and our children. I have called every organization possible and no one will help. I have applied for every job under the son and nothing.
I am told again and again that it will change, God will help me but to be honest, I can't see it. I feel like a person living in a world that I am just not part of. I drive down the road and I 'see' around me but I don't feel it. It's like being in an alternate reality that I am just not a part of. I don't 'feel'. There is nothing left. I am empty, I am broken and I am a shell with only emptiness inside.
It's a matter of 500.00. That is what it would take to keep my home, keep my kids in their home and I simply can not come up with it. As I watch t.v. I see these reality shows like the Kardashians and how the Mother has spent 4000.00$ on a dress, just one dress, that she will wear only one time and I want to just die!! Do you know what that 4k would do for me and my family??!! OMG! I just don't see the justice in it. I cry and cry and yet I feel that God simply doesn't hear me! He can't be listening or this wouldn't be happening! I keep telling myself it just can't be! But, it is. In 5 days, I will be homeless. There simply is nothing left for me to do. How do I tell my children???? I just don't know!

Mental Out

Updatee

Well, after almost 3 weeks in the shop, I got my computer back sans new motherboard. Guess what? It still doesn't work!! So, it's back to Best Buy in the morning and I am going to have a chat with the Geek Squad! Makes me so mad! In the paperwork it says you have to return it for repairs 4 times before they will replace it. That is crazy! It's only 8mos old and still having issues since the first month! Grrrrrrr! My WOW time has been severely limited and that makes Mental MENTAL! Guess we will see what they say this time.
So, kids all moved in and the house is PACKED! It's crazy here but so far, it's not been so bad. Hope it keeps up.
No news on the job front. :O(  Please keep those prayers coming! Nothing for hubby yet either.
Guess that's about it.

Mental Out

Quick update

Busy, busy, busy here in the Mental house! Kids moving in today, it will be very crowded but, you do what you have to do. Puter still in the shop! :O(  I can't wait till it gets finished! Still praying for a job and/or unemployment to kick in.
All in all, just dealing with stuff one day at a time.

Mental out

Update

So, time for an update....
On the unemployment front, I still am...unemployed that is. I found out that I won't receive my unemployment for about 8 weeks more! How crazy is that!!?? It's already been 6 weeks! That is also IF the company doesn't fight my claim. Yikes!
Good news though...I did have an interview that I am VERY excited about! I feel it went well and it is a PERFECT fit for me and with my background, for them as well I believe. According to the interviewer, he will finish interviews this week, most likely on Wednesday, and then will select the top two to further interview. I am beyond nervous! I sooooooo want this job!! Beside the fact that I desperately need it. Please keep this in your prayers.
Nothing from the Church so, I am guessing that we weren't awarded assistance. That is ok, things will work out. Speaking of Church, the service on Sunday was amazing! The message was great and the pastor giving it was fantastic!! Tons of food for thought as well as laughter. I left feeling energized, reflective and ready for the the week.
On the down side, my computer is in the shop and they are telling me 2 - 3 weeks. GRRRRRR!! I am praying it is a warranty issue and can be fixed! I have to have it! lol Borrowing one really isn't fun! Time sharing on puters doesn't work!
Mer Monster left for FL for a week yesterday. I was missing her last night after I got home from running for the day. Ah well, a week will fly by and she will be home and I will be yelling at her again.
Guess that is about it.

Mental Out

Monday, a day of stress!

Today is Monday. I go in a few moments before the unemployment review board. I am praying that my x-company will not fight this!! If  we don't get the benefits we will most probably be homeless. I know that God knows this and have to leave it in His hands, it's all I can do at this point. There is sooooo much riding on this appointment today and I am so nervous. I am sure they won't make a decision today but, I really pray they do as it has been a month already!
No news on the bus driving job as of yet. I think I will give them a call in the morning just to check in so to speak.
The church, http://www.seacoast.org/northcharleston, will be meeting today to see if we are awarded a grant to pay our rent. God, again, this too I place in Your hands!!
So many things pending on these decisions over the next few days. I really could use a Blessing or two!
Anyway, will fill you in if I can.

Mental Out

Thankful!

After weeks of lemons, God blessed me with 3 miracles this week and I want to thank Him here and now! Thank you God!
A friend that I used to work with called me up. She and her family are moving to FL and since they were driving, she didn't want to pack 'cold/frozen' items. She asked me if I wanted the content of her frig and freezer. Because we literally were out of food, I jumped on the Blessing! Thank you Naomi!! We were able to eat this week because of your kindness and thoughtfulness!
As the week wound down of course my mind again began to spin and swirl with fear and worries about how to feed the 5 of us for the following week. I called our local food bank, Helping Hands, http://www.helpinghandsofgoosecreek.net/ and they provided us with a bag of food. I am sure you all know that for a family of 5, a grocery bag of can goods will not go far however, I was more than thankful for it!
To top it all off, I was awarded food stamps till I find a job! Praise God! That is a HUGE worry from my mind!
So, I go on Monday to see about my unemployment and I am praying for the Bus Driving job that I tested for and was sent on to the next step!!
If you happen by, please send a prayer up to God for my family. And, if you are in a position to do so, please contribute to your local food bank!!

Thank you and...

Mental Out

Help!

Ok, see, this is what I am talking about! Not only did I have the previously mentioned crude happen today but, now, I have a major sinus headache, stomach cramps and the 'crap' that comes with those, literally. Yes, we are adults here and I said crap! That is the mood I am in. I digress..not only the stomach issues but, I burned the heck out of my hand removing the crock pot lid to stir my bean soup! Ouch! Oh, that's not all.... I got summoned for jury duty and a phone call letting me know if my previously owned landscape business didn't come fix some damage to a house, we would be sued!! What damage? What house? What the heck??!! That would be lawsuit number 2 from people who ARE NEVER SATISFIED AND WANT SOMETHING FOR FREE off your back! I am serious! The first lawsuit, our first in 16yrs., and filed AFTER we closed the business and both got laid off, AND by a so-called friend we did some VERY inexpensive work for to help them out, is total and complete BS! Yes, I said it, BS!! I just don't get it!

I am not an unkind person though admittedly I have my moments, don't we all? So, why, why all this terrible stuff being thrown our way? What is the world is God thinking? Only God knows? Well, God needs to give it a rest! Yes, I am talking to God in that tone of voice and I don't apologize for it! He knows I love him and He is my King so, I am confident in being able to tell Him, stop already! I have enough to deal with!! And, get me through this crude and give me some peace for a while! I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!

Ok, so, anyone out there? lol Anyone reading this? Probably not. *Heavy sigh*

Mental Out

Hitting Home!

No News On The Job Front

Every day it seems to get worse and worse and I wonder, will I ever catch a break?! I called the staffing company to make an appointment...NO appointments till well into August. OMGshh! Then, I looked in the local newspaper, nothing! I mean NOTHING! Craigslist...NOTHING!

I am lost. I just don't know what to do. I know I have to keep plugging away, keep working at it, keep searching but, it just feels like I am slamming into a brick wall, over and over and over. At least tomorrow is another day.

Mental Out

More freakin Lemonade!

Ok, so I went to fill out and application with the temporary service after calling them last week. They told me the hours they took apps and I went in. Well...the office was closed!! I drove a bit of a ways too! I was so mad! Then, came home and the internet, our phone and cable was shut off! Could I call the temp service? NO! Could I send them an email? NO! Could I relax and watch TV? NO!

God, I need a job!!!!!!!!! And, no more lemons, please!!

Mental Out

Part 1

Ok, so, I went and took the first part of the Bus Driving Application test. A WHOLE lot of paperwork, which I can understand, and an hour long reading/comprehension test. Of course I completed it way before everyone else. I have always done that, I am not sure why. I do read fast but, I over analyse everything so I would think it would make me slower. Oh well. I feel pretty good about it so, now I wait to be notified in writing to see if I go on to the next step. Hire me already! lol

I have to go for my final eye exam today. I don't feel like the problem is corrected tho. My eyes still water terribly and hurt. Guess we will see what the Doc says. We are doing the final exam quickly as I have to get some glasses before my insurance expires in a couple of weeks. No telling how long it will be before I have insurance again.

I am praying for a job today, if you visit, please send a thought for me and my family upstairs to the big guy? Have a Blessed day, ya'll.

Mental Out.

Lemons and Lemonade, enough already!

So, it's been some time since I have been here but, I guess it's time for an update.

Lots of changes, isn't that always the way. I an unemployed again and it really bites! As much as I hated my job and yes, I hated it with a passion, at least I HAD a job. I may not have been the best at it but, I did my best, unlike some, and really tried to do a good job, unlike some. I am not just saying that to say it nor, am I bitter. I got fired for absences. I had good reason(s) for the absences such as family care taking issues, pneumonia, serious eye injury and such. I did not lay out just to lay out. I was absent too much, I know and I wish I could have not been but, I have responsibilities as well that I simply could not get out of.

Again, not to sound witchy or bitter but, there were some that were out WAY more than myself and even bragged about how they could get away with it! Some that stayed shopping on the internet most of the day, or were on FaceBook, or even slept, slept to the point of drooling and snoring!!

The truth is I believe multi- fold, I for some reason was disliked by my supervisor. You know there are just some people you just don't click with. I never received training like most people, never and then when I did take a 'training' class with my unit, and I use the word training lightly, it was done in a large group using power point and done very fast. Just sit at the table, watch the power point and viola' you are trained! NOT! Also, the work load was very, very thin since about Christmas. We simply did not have enough to keep us busy! So, it was an easy way out for them to dump me with a pitiful excuse. No, they are not filling my position...why? Cause they don't have enough work! I think that proves that point!

So, I filed for unemployment, not sure if I will get it and I have begun the job hunting process. I test tomorrow for a bus driver job and I go on Wednesday to register with a temp service. We will see how it goes.

On top of all that, no one else in the house is working either!! WE are so behind in bills and simply can't even afford the bare necessities. Also, got hit with a law suit on a installation that my lawn care folks did...which is so bogus I won't even get into that!

The bottom line is, I know that when life deals you lemons you need to make lemonade but damn it, I am sick of lemonade!! Bring on the champagne for a change!!!

Mental Out

Getting back in to it!

I finally got my PSP up again...WOW, I have forgotten how to use it!! It's gonna take a while! I have no plugins, tubes or anything but, will have to make due! I created this new layout, not much but, it's a start. You can grab it if you like, or another one I made previously at:
http://mentalimagez.blogspot.com

That's it for now! Gotta get some playing in on Farmville and WOW!

Mental out

Time flies

Wow, it's been a while since I posted here and really don't have time now, dinner is just about ready.
Still, I wanted to come here and write, perhaps to relieve the stress of the day, it hasn't been a good one, but then again, it hasn't been a good one for a while now. But, now that I am here and don't have time, the time that I wanted atleast, I can't even think of what to write. So, I am going to leave it for now and try again tomorrow morning. Sorry.

Mental out

Brrrrr!

For the first time in 10 years, SC has snow! LOL Not just a dash of it either. We are getting a full blown snow storm! It's gorgeous but, I am glad I am inside!! It is down right freezing out there!

Well, cable connection is spotty so....

Mental out for now

Leave a Message!

Hi, if you are new to blogging, don't be afraid to take a look around! Click on links, investigate, leave me a message in my shout box/chat box, I would love to hear from you! You might even find you get addicted to blogging yourself!
Once I get you addicted to blogging, we will talk about WOW! LOL

Mental out

Updated Mer Monster

Love my girls new pics! lol She wants to be a photographer and her fav subject is her and her friends!

Ugh!

I can't wait to get my new computer so I can design a new background!

Yukkkkkk!

It's been a week today that I woke up feeling totally and completely awful, wretched, death-like! The Doc says Pneumonia and ear/Sinus Infection. Yay me, one isn't good enough, I have to get it all at once. Tho I am better now than I was a week ago, I am still totally congested and wiped out physically and yes, it's back to work tomorrow. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy...NOT! I hate my job! It's totally moronic, depressing and useless. I just don't know how to change it cause in this economy I know I am blessed to even have a job, if I still do when I go back that is. I wouldn't be surprised if I don't. And the fun would really begin! Things would be sooo messed up! I guess I won't borrow trouble.

Anyway, that's about all I can come up with. My brain is congested too.

Mental out