Mental Notez

Changes

2011-11-26T09:27:00.000-05:00

So once more life hits me with changes. I think for the better this time around tho. Not easy, never easy but, better.
One of my friends, Miss Stacy, gave me a video to watch. It's called The Secret. I won't go into details here cause it really is a bit hard to explain but more so, it's a personal experience video. I would HIGHLY suggest for those of you that want/need to make changes in your life that you check it out.
I have a new job I am starting now...I will be working from home. Will report more on that one later. I also am going back to college. I start soon and will be finally finishing up my degree. No more dead ends for me. I am taking charge, through God of course, and getting my life back on track!! I refuse to remain stuck and in this rut any longer!
With Christmas right around the corner and literally no money for it, I began to search for inexpensive gift ideas. I found this really wonderful sight! It's called: Deck the Halls of Home with Joy. Please look for the 'button' on the side of my page and visit them for a truly inspiring time!

The last few months

2011-07-19T11:57:00.000-04:00

Just an update...

Over the last few months, my...I don't even know what to call him, he has been my 'husband' for so long..and now..he's not. I should qualify that, in my heart, I suppose, I still consider him that so, for the sake of this post that is how he will be. For the last few months my 'husband' continues to call, text and come over with all his vows of love and wanting to 'fix things' with us. And, for the last few months, he continues to go back to the 'thing' he is living with. He continues to lie to me and to her.

I just don't get it and can't wrap my head around it. How can someone be so messed up in the head that they would continue this behavior, continue the lies and continue living such a messed up life? How does he cry in my arms, telling me he loves me as he has love no one and then leave the very next day? How does he continue to lie to her about me, saying really cruel and hurtful things? I wish there was an answer.

I guess the real question is...why do I continue to let him do these things to me? I just don't know. Is there really a tiny part of me left that believes in him? I think there might be but maybe the truth is, it hurts too much to consider that he never really loved me at all. I dedicated years of my life to him and gave up way more than a person should for another person!! I can't begin to tell you the hell he put me thru. And yet, I stayed with him, stayed loyal to him, stood beside him praying he would change. He never did. He never will. How do I get the strength to just let go? I don't know. I wonder if I ever will.

I suppose each day that goes by makes it easier but then...maybe not.

Yesterday and Today

2011-04-25T09:46:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was Easter and, it was a very, very difficult day! I don't want to get into it much as I don't want to open the flood gates again now that I have them closed. It was a day that he and I used to make much ado about including a tradition of going to Sunrise Service. It was something we did every year, as a couple, just he and I and it was always so beautiful. It was awful being alone knowing he was, and is, with someone else, building new traditions and memories.

But, today is a new day. I thank God for having a new day and told Him I am open to all the blessings and possibilities He might bring today and my writing it here is an affirmation of that. I know that it is only with God that I can get thru this. I do hope that the pain and feeling of loss and emptiness pass more quickly than they have been. And too, I pray that God brings me to a place where I am ready for the man He brings to me, if that is His plan and I sure hope it is!

Mental Out

Learning every day.

2011-04-20T08:12:00.000-04:00

Good Morning!

So after watching the lesson on the Newspring site, which was awesome btw, I remembered all the things I have to be joyful for. And, thankful for. I am going to work very hard at that every day! I have to hold on to the blessings I have in life and NOT the negative. The more we remain dwelling in the negative in our lives, the more negative we have. It only fits.

I am on a mission now, to teach myself good habits, like finding the blessings in each and every day as well as showing my beautiful daughter how to do the same when she is finding nothing but trouble in her life. I know that it is so much easier to sit here and say all this than to do it. Doing it, finding blessings in your life, finding the positive, making that dang lemonade is so much like work. But, like good, hard work, the rewards are so much more worth it!

Maybe I can share a little of what I struggle with and learn with you. The teaching yesterday said that firstly, we have to remember that God is good. He does not bring bad things to us. Good thing cause we sure do enough of that ourselves! When you say, well, if God was good why did He allow this/that to happen and so on. We need to stop and say to ourselves... did I wake up this morning? God is good! Did I wake up in a bed this morning? God is good! Did I have choices in the clothes I would wear today? God is good! Did I have the choice of eating breakfast this morning and of what I would eat? God is good! And, so on. You get the point! We put way to much power in the wrong things in our lives and those things over take us! Let's start giving power to the one who deserves it and to the right things in our lives! Empower God and in turn, yourself today!

Mental Out

Moving On

2011-04-19T09:45:00.000-04:00

Time seems to have flown by since I last touched base here.
I have moved from the house 'we' lived in, I now live in a townhouse, I won't call it a home, with my daughter and Mom. (Taking care of my Mom now.) My daughter and I are still healing and recovering from 'him' leaving us and daily, it's still a struggle in some way.
Many things have happened over the last few months, not too many of them good unfortunately. I am still trying to pay off bills, paying on loans we shared and paying off a lawsuit against him that I was named in as well. They knew that he would never pay so, they named me as well. In their words, someone has to pay. I had nothing to do with the 'relationship' other than introducing them but, again, I end up paying for his mistakes. Nothing new on that front. I also was just notified that my license had been suspended due to HIS hit and run accident. The truck, in my name, which was parked for over a year that he got drunk off his ass and drove, hitting an innocent lady in her car and then running away, was uninsured. It had been parked for over a year! Still, it was in my name so, the state is blaming me. I have to pay over 650.00$ and carry SR22 insurance for 3 years despite the fact that I had NO knowledge of it, that I have never had an accident or a ticket! Isn't life fair?!
And still, he goes on with his life and his new love like nothing has ever happened with us, like my daughter and I don't matter, like he did nothing wrong!! But, what can I do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing but pick up the pieces and pick myself up of the floor time and time again where he kicked me to.
I daily ask myself and God, please, please tell me, what did I do to deserve this punishment, this pain, this never ending loneliness and heartache, this treatment, this life. Yet, I get no answers. I loved someone who didn't deserve my love. I loved him totally and completely without condition. And, I am paying for it.
Most nights, I go to bed crying, it's so overwhelming thats all I can do. Every morning I wake up with him on my mind. Either dreaming of him or calling out his name. I don't mean to, I don't want to, it won't stop! I hate it. Every second of the day, I think of him. I try to stop, I can't. He isn't ever thinking of me, I know that and I don't want to be thinking of him.
Am I sorry I ever loved him at all...yes, for the most part and no as well. There are many things to love about him but, I must admit those things are the lies. The lovingness, generosity, the good in him...those things I love but, they really aren't there. I saw them but it was only my heart projecting them onto him. No person who has any good in them at all could ever do the things he as done to me, to my daughter, to our family. It just isn't possible.
So now, I pray every day for God to help me. To help me not to think of him, not to feel so alone, broken, empty and lost. For God to send some peace and happiness into my life and yes, maybe one day, even love...but not right now. Not when I have no love left inside me.
I think I have found a new Church and I am excited about it! It's here: www.Newspring.cc I can't wait to go check it out!!
Well, I guess that is it for me right now.

Mental out

Saturday!

2011-01-15T09:53:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday and I am at work. Yes, bloggin at work, don't tell! :O)~ Saturdays I work alone and basically 'mind the store' if you will. Today is a very, very quiet day. Haven't had one in a while and I must confess I am enjoying it! Getting some work done and just taking time to breathe. Listening to MY station, singing out loud and feeling better today than I have in a long, long time!
Hubby and I still working on things. It will take time but this last week has been awesome! He is 3mos sober, as far as he says and I know, no going to doubt his word as I have no reason too, and I am extremely proud of him! This is a major thing!! Go hubby!! I continue to pray for him, for us and our relationship. There are many, many days and moments when I feel fear and 'wonder' but, I have to let those pass, have to take a deep breath and hold on to his vow of not wanting to drink any more. It's what I choose to do.
Brandon, my son, is still not talking to me. I made the choice to forgive my husband and give him another chance, one of a million, still it was my choice. My son made the choice not to and walked away from us, from me, pretty much 'dis-owning' me. It tears me up inside, it is one of the most painful things I have ever dealt with. I keep it to myself. I understand that it was his choice and he believes he did the right thing. He choose not to walk down that destructive path with me, I understand that. I just think that he could have handled it differently, then and now. He has made many of the same mistakes that he condemns for and yet, he was forgiven, even expecting to be forgiven. I feel like he is counting....like well, I only did that a few times and he has done it hundreds. Maybe but, I am so glad God doesn't count!! And I bet if my son thought about it, I bet he would be glad that Mom doesn't count mistakes either. Anyway, I can not change his mind, his thoughts, or his decision. I can not change his actions. He chooses to live a life full of anger, bitterness, hate and negativity. I feel so sorry for him. That is so not living life. I pray that he heals inside and can begin to live life with joy and some happiness!! I don't know why he is filled with all these things but, I do know that he chooses to hold on to them and that is his choice alone. He can only blame himself for his life even tho he chooses to blame everyone else. I still love him with all my heart and always will. I continue to pray for him daily.
Ok, peanut butter sammie done and it's back to work, for now anyway.

Mental out

A Day in My Life

2011-01-11T11:41:00.001-05:00

"Social anxiety disorder: SAD is an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear in social situations causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. It is a rather extreme form of social phobia. The diagnosis of social anxiety disorder can be of aspecific disorder (when only some particular situations are feared) or a generalized disorder. Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, chronic fear of being judged by others and of being embarrassed or humiliated by one's own actions."

Every day for me, is like walking a gauntlet. Every look, glance, every word from another person is like being punched, kicked and beaten. Every breath is a gasp of pain and a prayer for life.

If you don't have SAD, you can NOT possibly imagine what it feels like, what is does to you, how it is to live in constant, never ending fear. It's 24/7, it doesn't just 'go away'.

"In social anxiety disorder, everyday interactions cause extreme fear and self-consciousness. It may become impossible for you to eat with acquaintances or write a check in public, let alone go to a party with lots of strangers."

"Social anxiety disorder can have emotional, behavioral and physical signs and symptoms.

Emotional and behavioral signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder include:

Intense fear of being in situations in which you don't know people
Fear of situations in which you may be judged
Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself
Fear that others will notice that you look anxious
Anxiety that disrupts your daily routine, work, school or other activities
Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention

Physical signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder include:

Blushing
Profuse sweating
Trembling or shaking
Nausea
Stomach upset
Difficulty talking
Shaky voice
Muscle tension
Confusion
Palpitations
Diarrhea
Cold, clammy hands
Difficulty making eye contact

You may also be affected by:

Low self-esteem
Trouble being assertive
Negative self-talk
Hypersensitivity to criticism
Poor social skills"

You see and read the words here and yet, there is no way for you to understand the depth of their meaning nor the impact that meaning has on a life, a relationship, an existence. I am neither ignorant, nor dumb. I am not shy nor silly nor "blonde". I am not an introvert, a people hater or anti-social. I do not dislike you nor wish not to be around you or part of your life! I AM AFRAID!

Please, before you judge me or think you know me, look again, look deeper. Look into my heart. It's there, it's not hidden away, indeed, it's carried on my sleeve and shines from my eyes. It's there, hiding behind the tears.

~Mental Out

On top of it all...

2010-09-09T18:29:00.000-04:00

On top of all the mess I have going on in my life right now, I go and get sick! Not just the sniffles, or a simple headache, no....full blown, puking my guts out, in bed, feel like death sick!! I have so much to deal with, so much to try and get down and can't do a thing! It's simply not fair!! When will it all end?!!

It's Over

2010-09-03T22:15:00.000-04:00

After almost 12 yrs of some really hard work, a whole lot of pain and heart break, it's finally over. After another night of drinking, he took all the money, mine and his Mom's, my truck and our youngest son and headed out to KY leaving me with nothing but pain, loss and ALL the bills. I can't even begin to tell you of the mess he left me with and the amount of money it will take to clean it up!!
How does a person do that? How do you rip lives, a home and your family apart? I just don't get it and I never will. But, you know what, I am accepting the fact that there is something in him that just doesn't work like it should and it never will. I am so tired of the pain and the constant lies. If it wasn't for the fact that I am out of work and he left me 2 months behind on every single bill and then some, I think I would actually be happy. If not for the stress of not know which way is up and which was is down, I am actually at peace. It is incredibly painful to know that someone just decided one day that they didn't love you any more but, when that person has hurt you so much and for so long, I guess the love dies in your heart as well. So maybe it's more of an ego issue than a broken heart issue and that is incredibly hard to admit.
So now, it's like living in a giant black hole that I just can't find my way out of. I pray and I pray and I pray and things still keep getting worse. I honestly don't understand it and don't know how much more I can take! In just a very few days, I will no longer have electricity. I can not find a way to pay the bill that he left. I have simply run out of options. I will no longer have a home for myself, his Mother and our children. I have called every organization possible and no one will help. I have applied for every job under the son and nothing.
I am told again and again that it will change, God will help me but to be honest, I can't see it. I feel like a person living in a world that I am just not part of. I drive down the road and I 'see' around me but I don't feel it. It's like being in an alternate reality that I am just not a part of. I don't 'feel'. There is nothing left. I am empty, I am broken and I am a shell with only emptiness inside.
It's a matter of 500.00. That is what it would take to keep my home, keep my kids in their home and I simply can not come up with it. As I watch t.v. I see these reality shows like the Kardashians and how the Mother has spent 4000.00$ on a dress, just one dress, that she will wear only one time and I want to just die!! Do you know what that 4k would do for me and my family??!! OMG! I just don't see the justice in it. I cry and cry and yet I feel that God simply doesn't hear me! He can't be listening or this wouldn't be happening! I keep telling myself it just can't be! But, it is. In 5 days, I will be homeless. There simply is nothing left for me to do. How do I tell my children???? I just don't know!

Mental Out

Updatee

2010-08-20T21:24:00.000-04:00

Well, after almost 3 weeks in the shop, I got my computer back sans new motherboard. Guess what? It still doesn't work!! So, it's back to Best Buy in the morning and I am going to have a chat with the Geek Squad! Makes me so mad! In the paperwork it says you have to return it for repairs 4 times before they will replace it. That is crazy! It's only 8mos old and still having issues since the first month! Grrrrrrr! My WOW time has been severely limited and that makes Mental MENTAL! Guess we will see what they say this time.
So, kids all moved in and the house is PACKED! It's crazy here but so far, it's not been so bad. Hope it keeps up.
No news on the job front. :O( Please keep those prayers coming! Nothing for hubby yet either.
Guess that's about it.

Mental Out

Quick update

2010-08-13T12:01:00.001-04:00

Busy, busy, busy here in the Mental house! Kids moving in today, it will be very crowded but, you do what you have to do. Puter still in the shop! :O( I can't wait till it gets finished! Still praying for a job and/or unemployment to kick in.
All in all, just dealing with stuff one day at a time.

Mental out

Update

2010-08-09T13:49:00.000-04:00

So, time for an update....
On the unemployment front, I still am...unemployed that is. I found out that I won't receive my unemployment for about 8 weeks more! How crazy is that!!?? It's already been 6 weeks! That is also IF the company doesn't fight my claim. Yikes!
Good news though...I did have an interview that I am VERY excited about! I feel it went well and it is a PERFECT fit for me and with my background, for them as well I believe. According to the interviewer, he will finish interviews this week, most likely on Wednesday, and then will select the top two to further interview. I am beyond nervous! I sooooooo want this job!! Beside the fact that I desperately need it. Please keep this in your prayers.
Nothing from the Church so, I am guessing that we weren't awarded assistance. That is ok, things will work out. Speaking of Church, the service on Sunday was amazing! The message was great and the pastor giving it was fantastic!! Tons of food for thought as well as laughter. I left feeling energized, reflective and ready for the the week.
On the down side, my computer is in the shop and they are telling me 2 - 3 weeks. GRRRRRR!! I am praying it is a warranty issue and can be fixed! I have to have it! lol Borrowing one really isn't fun! Time sharing on puters doesn't work!
Mer Monster left for FL for a week yesterday. I was missing her last night after I got home from running for the day. Ah well, a week will fly by and she will be home and I will be yelling at her again.
Guess that is about it.

Mental Out

Monday, a day of stress!

2010-08-02T13:17:00.000-04:00

Today is Monday. I go in a few moments before the unemployment review board. I am praying that my x-company will not fight this!! If we don't get the benefits we will most probably be homeless. I know that God knows this and have to leave it in His hands, it's all I can do at this point. There is sooooo much riding on this appointment today and I am so nervous. I am sure they won't make a decision today but, I really pray they do as it has been a month already!
No news on the bus driving job as of yet. I think I will give them a call in the morning just to check in so to speak.
The church, http://www.seacoast.org/northcharleston, will be meeting today to see if we are awarded a grant to pay our rent. God, again, this too I place in Your hands!!
So many things pending on these decisions over the next few days. I really could use a Blessing or two!
Anyway, will fill you in if I can.

Mental Out

Thankful!

2010-07-29T12:43:00.000-04:00

After weeks of lemons, God blessed me with 3 miracles this week and I want to thank Him here and now! Thank you God!
A friend that I used to work with called me up. She and her family are moving to FL and since they were driving, she didn't want to pack 'cold/frozen' items. She asked me if I wanted the content of her frig and freezer. Because we literally were out of food, I jumped on the Blessing! Thank you Naomi!! We were able to eat this week because of your kindness and thoughtfulness!
As the week wound down of course my mind again began to spin and swirl with fear and worries about how to feed the 5 of us for the following week. I called our local food bank, Helping Hands, http://www.helpinghandsofgoosecreek.net/ and they provided us with a bag of food. I am sure you all know that for a family of 5, a grocery bag of can goods will not go far however, I was more than thankful for it!
To top it all off, I was awarded food stamps till I find a job! Praise God! That is a HUGE worry from my mind!
So, I go on Monday to see about my unemployment and I am praying for the Bus Driving job that I tested for and was sent on to the next step!!
If you happen by, please send a prayer up to God for my family. And, if you are in a position to do so, please contribute to your local food bank!!

Thank you and...

Mental Out

Help!

2010-07-22T16:05:00.002-04:00

Ok, see, this is what I am talking about! Not only did I have the previously mentioned crude happen today but, now, I have a major sinus headache, stomach cramps and the 'crap' that comes with those, literally. Yes, we are adults here and I said crap! That is the mood I am in. I digress..not only the stomach issues but, I burned the heck out of my hand removing the crock pot lid to stir my bean soup! Ouch! Oh, that's not all.... I got summoned for jury duty and a phone call letting me know if my previously owned landscape business didn't come fix some damage to a house, we would be sued!! What damage? What house? What the heck??!! That would be lawsuit number 2 from people who ARE NEVER SATISFIED AND WANT SOMETHING FOR FREE off your back! I am serious! The first lawsuit, our first in 16yrs., and filed AFTER we closed the business and both got laid off, AND by a so-called friend we did some VERY inexpensive work for to help them out, is total and complete BS! Yes, I said it, BS!! I just don't get it!

I am not an unkind person though admittedly I have my moments, don't we all? So, why, why all this terrible stuff being thrown our way? What is the world is God thinking? Only God knows? Well, God needs to give it a rest! Yes, I am talking to God in that tone of voice and I don't apologize for it! He knows I love him and He is my King so, I am confident in being able to tell Him, stop already! I have enough to deal with!! And, get me through this crude and give me some peace for a while! I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!

Ok, so, anyone out there? lol Anyone reading this? Probably not. *Heavy sigh*

Mental Out

Hitting Home!

2010-07-22T11:32:00.000-04:00

No News On The Job Front

2010-07-22T10:49:00.002-04:00

Every day it seems to get worse and worse and I wonder, will I ever catch a break?! I called the staffing company to make an appointment...NO appointments till well into August. OMGshh! Then, I looked in the local newspaper, nothing! I mean NOTHING! Craigslist...NOTHING!

I am lost. I just don't know what to do. I know I have to keep plugging away, keep working at it, keep searching but, it just feels like I am slamming into a brick wall, over and over and over. At least tomorrow is another day.

Mental Out

More freakin Lemonade!

2010-07-21T16:56:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I went to fill out and application with the temporary service after calling them last week. They told me the hours they took apps and I went in. Well...the office was closed!! I drove a bit of a ways too! I was so mad! Then, came home and the internet, our phone and cable was shut off! Could I call the temp service? NO! Could I send them an email? NO! Could I relax and watch TV? NO!

God, I need a job!!!!!!!!! And, no more lemons, please!!

Mental Out

Part 1

2010-07-20T09:51:00.002-04:00

Ok, so, I went and took the first part of the Bus Driving Application test. A WHOLE lot of paperwork, which I can understand, and an hour long reading/comprehension test. Of course I completed it way before everyone else. I have always done that, I am not sure why. I do read fast but, I over analyse everything so I would think it would make me slower. Oh well. I feel pretty good about it so, now I wait to be notified in writing to see if I go on to the next step. Hire me already! lol

I have to go for my final eye exam today. I don't feel like the problem is corrected tho. My eyes still water terribly and hurt. Guess we will see what the Doc says. We are doing the final exam quickly as I have to get some glasses before my insurance expires in a couple of weeks. No telling how long it will be before I have insurance again.

I am praying for a job today, if you visit, please send a thought for me and my family upstairs to the big guy? Have a Blessed day, ya'll.

Mental Out.

Lemons and Lemonade, enough already!

2010-07-19T16:05:00.002-04:00

So, it's been some time since I have been here but, I guess it's time for an update.

Lots of changes, isn't that always the way. I an unemployed again and it really bites! As much as I hated my job and yes, I hated it with a passion, at least I HAD a job. I may not have been the best at it but, I did my best, unlike some, and really tried to do a good job, unlike some. I am not just saying that to say it nor, am I bitter. I got fired for absences. I had good reason(s) for the absences such as family care taking issues, pneumonia, serious eye injury and such. I did not lay out just to lay out. I was absent too much, I know and I wish I could have not been but, I have responsibilities as well that I simply could not get out of.

Again, not to sound witchy or bitter but, there were some that were out WAY more than myself and even bragged about how they could get away with it! Some that stayed shopping on the internet most of the day, or were on FaceBook, or even slept, slept to the point of drooling and snoring!!

The truth is I believe multi- fold, I for some reason was disliked by my supervisor. You know there are just some people you just don't click with. I never received training like most people, never and then when I did take a 'training' class with my unit, and I use the word training lightly, it was done in a large group using power point and done very fast. Just sit at the table, watch the power point and viola' you are trained! NOT! Also, the work load was very, very thin since about Christmas. We simply did not have enough to keep us busy! So, it was an easy way out for them to dump me with a pitiful excuse. No, they are not filling my position...why? Cause they don't have enough work! I think that proves that point!

So, I filed for unemployment, not sure if I will get it and I have begun the job hunting process. I test tomorrow for a bus driver job and I go on Wednesday to register with a temp service. We will see how it goes.

On top of all that, no one else in the house is working either!! WE are so behind in bills and simply can't even afford the bare necessities. Also, got hit with a law suit on a installation that my lawn care folks did...which is so bogus I won't even get into that!

The bottom line is, I know that when life deals you lemons you need to make lemonade but damn it, I am sick of lemonade!! Bring on the champagne for a change!!!

Mental Out

Getting back in to it!

2010-03-24T14:26:00.002-04:00

I finally got my PSP up again...WOW, I have forgotten how to use it!! It's gonna take a while! I have no plugins, tubes or anything but, will have to make due! I created this new layout, not much but, it's a start. You can grab it if you like, or another one I made previously at:
http://mentalimagez.blogspot.com

That's it for now! Gotta get some playing in on Farmville and WOW!

Mental out

Time flies

2010-03-09T19:25:00.002-05:00

Wow, it's been a while since I posted here and really don't have time now, dinner is just about ready.
Still, I wanted to come here and write, perhaps to relieve the stress of the day, it hasn't been a good one, but then again, it hasn't been a good one for a while now. But, now that I am here and don't have time, the time that I wanted atleast, I can't even think of what to write. So, I am going to leave it for now and try again tomorrow morning. Sorry.

Mental out

Brrrrr!

2010-02-12T22:36:00.002-05:00

For the first time in 10 years, SC has snow! LOL Not just a dash of it either. We are getting a full blown snow storm! It's gorgeous but, I am glad I am inside!! It is down right freezing out there!

Well, cable connection is spotty so....

Mental out for now

Leave a Message!

2010-01-28T19:23:00.000-05:00

Hi, if you are new to blogging, don't be afraid to take a look around! Click on links, investigate, leave me a message in my shout box/chat box, I would love to hear from you! You might even find you get addicted to blogging yourself!
Once I get you addicted to blogging, we will talk about WOW! LOL

Mental out

Updated Mer Monster

2010-01-26T12:58:00.004-05:00

Love my girls new pics! lol She wants to be a photographer and her fav subject is her and her friends!

Ugh!

2010-01-26T12:55:00.001-05:00

I can't wait to get my new computer so I can design a new background!

Yukkkkkk!

2010-01-24T12:21:00.002-05:00

It's been a week today that I woke up feeling totally and completely awful, wretched, death-like! The Doc says Pneumonia and ear/Sinus Infection. Yay me, one isn't good enough, I have to get it all at once. Tho I am better now than I was a week ago, I am still totally congested and wiped out physically and yes, it's back to work tomorrow. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy...NOT! I hate my job! It's totally moronic, depressing and useless. I just don't know how to change it cause in this economy I know I am blessed to even have a job, if I still do when I go back that is. I wouldn't be surprised if I don't. And the fun would really begin! Things would be sooo messed up! I guess I won't borrow trouble.

Anyway, that's about all I can come up with. My brain is congested too.

Mental out

2010 - Must be Sci-Fi

2009-12-31T17:31:00.004-05:00

Can you believe it? 2010!! Remember when that was only Science Fiction? Remember Y2K and that was only for 2000. Here it is 2010! Where are our Flying Cars? Houses that clean themselves? Robots? Transports the the settlement on Mars that we live in? :O)

Maybe we haven't come that far, maybe things aren't THAT awesome but, maybe, just maybe, they are better than we think.

Remember to stop for a moment and think of the GOOD things you do have in your life. The simplest of joys and blessings we all take for granted every day.

Wishing you a New Year that is happy, filled with love, laughter and joy, for who could want for more?

Mental out

OMGSHHH!!

2009-12-15T19:08:00.002-05:00

OMGshhh! I can't belive how very close Christmas is!! I am beyond excited and to be honest, I guess I have been since October! lol I go the main part of my shopping done a while back and just have a few more things to get. Wow, time has just crept up on me! I have so much to do and have even cut my game play time way down! *falls out* Yeah, I know, never thought I would say that!
Speaking of my game, Cmas started to day on Cenarion Circle and I will be heading there right after this post to begin my quest for my new Raindeer, the Jingle Bell, Santa's helper, a Snowman kit and all the other goodies! It's my first WOW cmas and I am sooo ready!!
I also want to wish each and every one of you a very, Blessed and Merry Christmas! God bless you all!!

Mental out

November Already!

2009-11-10T12:15:00.006-05:00

I can't believe that it is November already and soon, all too soon, it will be 2010!! Remember when we never even believed that the year 2000 would come, that it was real? It was all Sci-Fi! LOL And look at us now!

I have begun Christmas shopping already and am doing really good with it. Not that much more to go! Yay! Well, 99% is in layway but, atleast it's there! What get's me tho is driving to Wallmart last night, I saw a house all decorated and lit up for Christmas! Wow! Halloween is barely over! Just takes some of the wonder of the season out of it for me when it's so early!

I revamped my layout a bit, more of a 'me' style now, more geared to what I am into these days. When I get my new computer and put PSP back on, I am sure I will have a WOW layout...WOW as in World of Warcraft! LOL Yes, I am still addicted and still loving it! I think it would be awesome to have more of my 'online' friends with me there...lol hint, hint.

My Mer Monster went to the fair with some friends so, thought I would post a coupla her pics here...lol

They ALWAYS have to prep in the big mirror in the kitchen!! Drives me nuts! lol Mer Monster is on the right.

The Mer Monster and some of her BFFs lol

That's about it for now I guess, going to see if WOW is done with Tuesday maintenance!! Let's roll out!
LOL

Mental out

Mondaya!

2009-10-12T18:15:00.002-04:00

Grrrrr...I think that God created Monday's only to be the longest days ever! And what's worse, I hate my job!! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!! It's soooo mindless and boring. And yet, I am thankful that I HAVE a job in today's world. Sad but true.

Every day we live our lives in the constant fear of the unknown...will I be able to pay this bill or that bill, will I have enough for food, for gas to get to work, to make it thru the week, will my job be here tomorrow. I know that God never intended us to live this way and in truth, God tells us not to worry. As a 'good' Christian, I should not worry and yet, as a human being, wife and Mom in this 'real' world we live in today, I can't find a way not to worry. I admit that I live in constant fear and the life I was knew is gone. Not living with constant fear, worry and stress to me is impossible. Yes, I know the illogic of fearing something I have no control over but it is what it is. Living without fear is something I know nothing about. Turning it all over to God, WAY easier said than done and tho I trust in God, believing He is there, when it comes to fear that all goes out the window.

Every morning I drive into work, fighting the maddening traffic and beg God for a new job all the while thanking Him for the one I do have. Pitiful, but true. Who knows, maybe things will change and our prayers will be answered cause I know I surely am not alone in this? Right? lol

Ah well....
Mental out

Opps!!

2009-08-26T11:56:00.002-04:00

*ROTFLMBO*

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday to my baby-boy who turns 27 today!! LOL Mommy's priorities are sadly out of whack!

Mental out

Cataclysm!

2009-08-26T11:49:00.004-04:00

WOW! Yes, I am saying WOW! I am so excited! For the first time, I will be 'in the game' when a new expansion is born! Not just a player buying the game for the first time but a real-live, part of it all!

The buzz in trade channel is whirling and swirling! Will there be new races? New professions? Worgren? Goblins? Who will get nerfed? Will there be new Heroics? New Achievements? New Battlegrounds? New Spells? Will Druids loose their flight forms? (Speaking as a Druid I certainly hope not!) All new Guild leveling?? OMGshhh!! The list goes on and on and the rumors fly!!

All I can say is....*counting pennies to put in the bank* WHEN? WHEN? WHEN?!!!!

LOL

Mental out

Where does the time go?

2009-08-26T11:37:00.003-04:00

Greetings,

In the car this morning coming home from running errands, I had the strangest conversation....with myself. It went something like this:
"Yeah know, you really need to update your blog. It's sadly out of date."
"I know."
"Seriously, you need to update your blog!"
"I know but, what will I blog about?"
"All things new and exciting?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know! What's new and exciting in your life?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Nope, nothing."
"Oh come one! There has to be something!"
"Nope, nothing."
"What about work?"
"What about it?"
"Anything new and exciting there?"
"Nope."
"Nope?"
"Nope."
"What about with the family after all, school just started. Any new drama?"
"Nope."
"Nope??"
"Nope."
"Well."
"Well."

Mental out

Ghosts

2009-06-30T17:30:00.002-04:00

Isn't it sweetly strange when you have a person that is in your past and you just can't get that person out of your heart or head? Even after time goes by, you still think of that person and perhaps what might of been or questioning yourself if it ever really was. Those are bitter-sweet memories. I am not really sure if I like them or not.
It's especially difficult if there was an unresolved end to the relationship...whatever that relationship may or may not have been. Sometimes, the not knowing is simply the worst there is. How can you even learn a lesson if you don't know what went wrong or why? It just plain hurts and it's a hurt that scars and never ends.
That's really all I can say on this for now...it's still raw after all this time.

Mental out

Update

2009-06-23T16:03:00.003-04:00

Hello...
Well, the 'new' job is going ok. I mean, it's not my dream job but, it pays the bills. Speaking of dream jobs...what would be your dream job? As for me, well, can you get paid for playing WOW (World of Warcraft)? I don't think so. That would be my dream job! lol to play and play and play. Yes, I am addicted, I freely admit it; I need WOWAholics Anonymous! I even named my Guild that but, I got flagged for an inappropriate/non-rp (role playing) name. What that means is, I had to change it. :O( Anyway, I digress...yes, I would be a billionaire if I got paid to play!
I love playing WOW more than anything, yes, I said anything!
When you first join WOW you have to choose a side, Alliance or Horde. I chose Alliance so to me, the Horde are the bad guys. I play a Night-Elf, Druid and my jobs are skinning and tailoring...I also do fishing and cooking. If you played, you would know what I meant. My level currently is a 64, half way to 65. Her name is Amariese. I used that name some years ago to do online free-style role playing. What that means basically is a group of us did role playing in the form of posting to each other in a specially designed site. It was called Flatearth and I LOVED it! I lived at the Skulking Orc Inn...I miss those days. The Inn and Flatearth have long since gone but my heart will ever remain with the Inn...and those I played with there. Sometimes I wonder where they are, how they are doing and if they also play WOW. I bet they do. :O) Anyway, Amariese now lives on the Cenarion Circle (server on WOW) and spends her time questing, leveling, doing dungons and working her craft(s). There is never enough time for her to get everything she wants to do done!
I also have a Gnome, Anomie, a DK (Death Knight) and yes, I have a Blood-Elf (Horde) but she isn't leveled at all.
I love all my girls.
I play my main most, Amariese, and I have a wonderful friend that I play with...Stella...lol We have so much fun it's ridiculous! My family plays too but, they don't play the same way I do and so they really don't care to play with me so much. They are more...structured if you will, in their game style. Me, I am all over the place willy-nilly...just like I am in real life! Sometimes I just fish and run around. It all depends on my mood.
Yes, I really am Amariese....hummmm....

Till next time...
Mental out

Update

2009-05-27T07:02:00.002-04:00

Finally, Finally!! After months, I got a new job!! Wooohooo!! I will be doing research for a medical billing/processing place. Not glamorous or wonderful but, I GOT A JOB! LOL I will be starting on June 1st so, wooohooo!
I have been neglecting my place here. I am sorry for that and I think about it alot. It's just that so many things have been happening in real life that there has been no time for online life. Well, not totally true cause I am wildly addicted to World of Warcraft but, for other things, no. :O) I simply came to a point in my life that I...changed. Kinda shifted gears. I used to live for creating and blogging and now, well, I don't. I don't create any more. Oh, I am sure I will again, I still get those urges from time to time but, for the most part, I don't have the old creative muse. I spend way more time with my family so, I guess it's all for the best. The whole family for the most part plays WOW and it's something we share and enjoy! It's truly a family affair! :O)
Anyway, just wanted to pop in with this update.

Blessings to you all....
Mental out

A HUGE thing

2009-05-04T07:15:00.002-04:00

After many long months of debate with myself, last week I did something I really never thought I would do... I closed my PSP (PaintShop Professional) list down. It was called Whimz & Wishez aka WW. Well, the members of the list were for the most part, very supportive and are trying to actually keep it open under new ownership, with my blessing.
I just couldn't do it any more. After 6+ years of owning/running WW, I was just plain tired. I have been doing psp for more than 8 years and I guess I really am burned out on it. I am sure that I will create from time to time but the creative Muse hasn't been around for sometime now. I figured it was time to concentrate on other things and I am actually enjoying not having to worry about other people for a change! :O)
I have been really busy with WOW (World of Warcraft) and have become totally addicted to it! I guess that is where my heart and passion lie now. I simply LOVE it! I am a Guild Master now with a very small group but, I really hope to expand. I have plans! LOL
Right now I play 2 characters: A level 51 Druid and a level 23 Gnome. LOL I love them both! There is so much to do with WOW I will never be able to do it all! And guess what...there are tons of women AND Grandmas that play!! It is awesome stress relief, something you can share with friends and family and well, just plain addicting!! If you ever wondered what all the hype is about, drop me a note and I will gladly share my love of WOW with you! Or, if you already play, come find me at the WOWaholics Anonymous guild! :O) I would love to meet you/see you in game! If you need a referal for a free month of game time, let me know and I will see about hooking you up with that as well!
Trust me...once you play, you will fast become addicted to all the fun adventures you can have!! This week's event is Children's Week and I am off to try to get my pet: Egkbert! LOL

Till next time.....
Mental Out!

Talk about YUMMMM....

2009-04-21T14:00:00.002-04:00

First let me say that I am NOT a 'Ranch' person. I much prefer another type of dressing/dip/what have you.
Because Hubby IS a 'Ranch' person and I am not, I recently bought something I thought would be a 'happy medium' and was blown away! All I can say is, "OMGssshhh!!" I bought Kraft's 'Light Three Cheese Ranch'. It is delicious to say the least BUT, the thing is....I tried some new stuff with it. I put it on a Bologna sandwich (which I can't stand but it's cheap) and it was GREAT! I put it on a hotdog (again, I don't really care for and have to be in the mood for) and it was GREAT! This past weekend we had a surprise party for Hubby, his BD and cooked Cheddar Brawts....put some on and had a mouth orgasm! Then, last night, Hubby suggested we try it on a baked potato.....*pass out here from ecstasy* AMAZING taste!! You all have got to try this!! Would love to know some creative ways to use this great tasting stuff!

**No, I am not getting paid to blog this, it really is that good!**

Mental Out

Tag!

2009-04-14T09:23:00.002-04:00

8 Things I am Looking Forward To:
1. My Daughter coming for the summer
2. The fun places we will go this summer
3. Getting over this bug!
4. Getting a job!
5. My Hubby's Birthday
6. Hearing from friends that are out of touch
7. Getting out of this creative slump!
8. The weekend

8 Things I Did Yesterday
1.Washed all the left over dishes from Easter
2. Ate leftovers
3. took Hubby to work
4. mopped up where Hubby spilled rootbeer in the kitchen
5. snuggled my cat, Tyger
6. talked to my Momma
7. played WOW!!!

8 Things I wish I could do
1. Play WOW!!
2. Retire
3. Be a SAHM
4. Find an awesomely fun job that pays ok
5. be more creative
6. go shopping for fun
7. Be a better Christian
8. Be more patient!

8 Shows I watch:
1. Smallville
2. Heros
3. Chuck
4. Supernatural
5. Star Gate/Star Trek
6. American Idol
7. Ghost Hunters
8. Fringe & Leverage

I am supposed to tag 8 people but to be honest, I am so out of the bloggin world right now that I haven't a clue who I would tag let alone 8 people!! Ah well...so you got some random/useless trivia about Mental.
Take care and have a Blessed day!

Mental out

I have a new business!

2009-03-12T15:06:00.000-04:00

Wooohoooo! I have opened my own business! Check it out:
http://insideouthomeimprovement.blogspot.com/

Ever had those days...

2009-02-24T13:29:00.002-05:00

It's early afternoon and despite all the running around I have had to do today, my concentration level is at it's lowest.
Over the last few days, weeks, months, my mind just keeps drifting to the past. I know that the past is gone and that we shouldn't dwell there. It's not a conscience thing, it just happens. I miss some people that I left there, back in the past, and it still hurts. I still care for them and wish we had that relationship/friendship again. I don't think I can say or do anything to bring healing to the relationship and in all honesty, I don't really know what I did to loose it but, apparently it was something. If I could fix it, I would. If I knew what to say or do, I would say it, do it, but I don't. I guess they felt that they were making the best decision for themselves and I have to accept it and just hope that they are happy in their lives.
I guess that I am one of those people that when I come to love someone, I love totally and completely, with all my heart, from the depths of my heart. Once given, my love stays forever. I often wish I wasn't that kind of person for in truth, it's caused me gut wrenching heart ache, time and time again.
It isn't just relationship love but friend love as well. I love my friends, those I can count on one hand and it seems that they can hurt you just as deeply as a lover or partner. Maybe I take relationships much to seriously. That is how I am and how I have always been. It's just the way I am. I think that if I could change it, I would.
I have to let go of the past to live my life in the here and now to it's fullest. I will find a way to do that someday but, until then, for those that were a part of my life but no longer are...please know that I am sorry for whatever part I played in the decision you made, that I long for your forgiveness, that you are still in my heart, and I think of you every day. I wish only love and happiness for you.
Mental out

Finally arrived!

2009-02-17T07:49:00.003-05:00

Wow...after weeks of serious stress and anxiousness...we arrived in our new home...once my old home, of South Carolina! I have not been in the low country for many, many years. What changes time as brought!
The trip here was wild and crazy! Driving a 24 foot moving truck through severe thunder storms that skirted tornadoes, in the dark and through the Smokey/Appalachian Mts was a nightmare. I can tell you there were a lot of prayers and tears in that truck! But, God saw us through and we arrived safe and sound.
We have been busy gettings things changed over, setting things up, establishing services and finding banks, schools and all since getting here so there hasn't been much rest time to say the least.
I haven't had much World of Warcraft time...LOL but, am hoping things settle down soon and that I get some time in on my questing.
I am praying now for work and for this new life of mine to be blessed. I am so thankful that my son and his family made the move with me and that I have my sister and family here, that we are all together now. Just need to get my Mom here and life will be sweet! LOL
Take care till next time...
Mental out

Disappointed Mom!

2009-01-30T18:25:00.002-05:00

I am very, very angry with my daughter right now and so disappointed! She is a beautiful, outgoing, intelligent and common sense filled young lady...or so I thought! She is 14 and recently found a young man that she really, really likes. I have no problem with that. However lately their behavior is what I feel to be, out of control. We have discussed over and over sex, what is appropriate and not as well as the dangers of it, even simple things like kissing. She also has seen her cousin and friends hurt by inappropriate behavior.
She and her boyfriend have been kissing in school and now she has a hickey! I am so angry at her poor judgement and the fact that she finds nothing wrong with it! Where is my young lady who knows better? I can't believe how upset I am at this or how not upset she is!
So, what do you all think out there? I would love to know your thoughts and suggestions on this one!

An Award

2009-01-23T14:02:00.003-05:00

From my dear friend, Denise! Thank YOU!

I know you are supposed to pass these on but, it seems like most folks have it. I would say however that if you see a blog listed here or a link for a blog here, it's because I love it and go there quite often! That is my recommendation!

Light at the end of the tunnel

2009-01-23T13:56:00.002-05:00

Finally, after 2 weeks of sheer you know what..there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. With both vehicles braking down, my hours being cut and not being able to find a house, we were just at the end of our ropes! It was too much! And, it was really taking a toll...lots of stress, headaches and crabbiness going on around here.Now, we got good news about a house, or the possibility anyway, found out that W2s are on the way and should be here next week, and I got laid off so I can get some unemployment till something comes thru.
It's not perfect but, it is better than it was and we can be thankful and relax a bit. I was going to write a bit more but my computer is really getting hot so, I think it needs a break.

Big Happenings in this New Year!

2009-01-10T18:03:00.003-05:00

I tell you...God can just up and flip your world in ways you never expect any time He wants!
I am sure you all know just how bad the economy is, you are living with it in your own way. Things here in Indiana are very, very rough, especially for our family, with living on just my income and believe me, I make next to nothing! I literally make just slightly over minimum wage these days! A drastic reduction. We have had to make many choices, as I am sure you all have, on what to pay and what we can put off a week or two...or three. It came down to where we could really not even pay our rent and keep the family fed. Forget about medicines, they are simply NOT in our budget! Winter clothes, including a coat, nope, not this year.
So, some how, there came a thought...what if we move? Perhaps other areas though hit by all this would not be hit as hard as this auto/RV industry area. We tossed it round and round and discussed it with my son and his wife. He had gotten laid off and just his wife working but, their last straw came when she got laid off as well. He made up his mind very quickly, they were getting out!
We were suddenly faced with the fact that we would be in this frozen, perma-cloud, depressed state alone. We didn't like that idea but, with the bills we have, we just didn't think a move would be advisable for us this year. Maybe we could follow the next year.
We wavered back and forth, back and forth, weighing the pros and cons. There were so many things to think about and just decided to leave it up to God. After all, it's His plan, this life of ours. We didn't really do that though and finally we just decided that we had to go for it! We so do not want to be here any more and struggling ourselves to death! WE are going to move too! We would share the expense with my son and we would all go together.
We are moving to Charleston, SC, where I spent many years and have family there so, it's not to some unknown destination. We have a lead on a house and great job prospects already so though we are terrified, it's in an excited way! You know, the butterflies in your tummy kinda way.
So many things to get down before this huge move! Wow! And we said we would 'never' move again let alone across the country, AGAIN! LOL Never say never!
I will keep you updated as I can but, this lady is one busy and 'Mental' momma right now!
God bless and keep you till next time...
Mental out

Honored!

2008-12-28T16:34:00.002-05:00

Greetings Friends...

I just got my second request to use one of my Blog Designs! I was excited by the first one, well, the first one that wasn't from a friend...lol and with this second one, I am sooooo 'Snoopy Happy'!! That means I am almost ready to do the Snoopy Dance! I sooo love creating!! It is more than my passion, it's my lifeline, my sanity, my outlet! For someone that can't even draw a stickman, I think I am doing ok. LOL There is this inner artist inside me that has always, always struggled to get out! I would dearly love to be formerly trained but, I know that is a dream that just won't come true for me. I will be satisfied with learning from all the other wonderful PSPers and Scrappers and Designers out there and I know that I am blessed by the knowledge they share with us to. Thank you!

So, if you want to check out the designer who will soon be using my 2009 blog layout, you can visit her here:
http://ealdesigns2.blogspot.com/
Thank you for the honor, Lisa!

If you would like to see more of my blog designs, you can find them at: http://mentalimagez.blogspot.com/

They are also on my other blogs so, feel free to find those links on this page and visit them. Who knows, you might even find yourself addicted like us!

Blessings and love....

Mental

Happy New Year

2008-12-26T22:29:00.000-05:00

I want to wish all of you a very, very Happy New Year!!
I know that things are so difficult right now, for so many of us. All I can do is hope and pray that God will keep us and hold us tight for with Him, all things are possible!

A Christmas Miracle!

2008-12-22T19:34:00.002-05:00

I have been trying and trying to get my oldest son to come to Granger Community Church with me!! It breaks my heart that he is not a Christian though when he was a child, there was no one closer to God than him. He has lost his way and is indeed a prodigal son. I have been praying and praying.
I asked him for one gift this Christmas. He has been unemployed for a while now and his 'wife' got her pink slip this week. I know how difficult things are. So, I asked him for one gift and told him that it wouldn't cost a thing, money wise, just in his time. I asked him to go to the Christmas Eve service at Church. At first, he was angry, as he always is when I bring up 'that place'. He refuses to talk about it and become biligerent. It breaks my heart. I very calmly told him that this was all I wanted for Christmas and that if it was as bad as he thought it was going to be, he would never have to come again. He finally, finally told me that he would think about it.
Tonight he called me. He was at the grocery store buying some baking supplies. They didn't have money for gifts so, he was going to make some cookies to give us, his family. There was a family in front of him, or so I thought he said as his phone was braking up a bit, a man, his wife and 2 children. Perhaps they were behind him and it was just a single man in front, I am not sure. The man took out his credit card and paid for his groceries. He had been 'playing' with my Grandson a bit while getting rung up. After he paid for his own groceries, he looked at my son. I know the look he must have seen...the 'what the F*** are you lookin at' look. He gestured to the cashier, leaned in and whispered something. He swiped his card again. He then turned and held out his hand to my son saying, "Merry Christmas, you won't need any money for your bill. I picked it up for you." My son said he was in shock, didn't think he heard right, asked him, "What? What did you say?" My daughter in law said, "Oh my God, oh, thank you, thank you..." stammering. My son said all he could say, and only in a whisper, was thank you and Merrry Christmas. With a smile, the man walked away paying 100.00$ for my son and his families groceries.
He also told me during this phone conversation that yes, he was going to Christmas Eve service with me.
So you see, there really are Christmas miracles and the most wonderful of all....the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ....He put the Christ in Christmas and I pray we never forget that no matter how difficult things are in our lives. No matter how little money we have, we can always give the one gift that is worth more than anything in this world...LOVE.
Merry Christmas and God Bless you.....

Mental

Almost Christmas

2008-12-21T14:59:00.001-05:00

It's almost Christmas! Even tho it's about -4 degrees here and things are icy, I think I can finally feel the Christmas spirit creeping up on me. At least for a moment or two, here and there.
Most years, I am so giddy that my excitement can't be contained. This year, not so much. Prehaps it's the economy and the lack of being able to do things I want that is effecting me so much. That shouldn't be the case but, it is. I hope that I can change it.
Anyway, I want to wish all of you a very Merry and Blessed Christmas!

TGIF

2008-12-12T22:34:00.003-05:00

It's finally Friday and for a moment, I can sit back and do something I love...play on my computer.
This week has been so very, very difficult! I can't ever remember working at a place so stressful and so difficult. I simply don't know if I am gonna make it or even how long I can hold on. I was told when I interviewed that the job qualifications were: Perfection, that you show up every single day, and you get along with others. I should have paid more attention to the "perfection" part, that and the low, low pay. I was so excited in this stressful time to finally have a job that I thought anything is better than nothing. Oh how wrong I was!! Don't get me wrong, I am thankful, very thankful for a job. It's just that I am human and thus, imperfect. Well, that is simply unexceptable! I am not joking, we are NOT allowed to make mistakes!! The world shudders and rocks when even the simplest of simple and easy correctible mistakes are made and the person that made the mistake is made to feel less than worthless! It is not a fun place to be! Still, I am hanging in there and praying for a better day.
Well, it's below 8 degrees outside so, I think I will settle in some blankets and do some reading.
Take care and God keep you!
Mental out

White out!

2008-12-06T19:28:00.005-05:00

The snow is really coming down tonight. Well, it's been coming down all day! But, tonight it's pretty close to 'white-out' conditions.

I know, crummy pictures but, I never claimed to be a photographer! One looking into the light and one looking into the woods. It is kinda cool how the snow flakes look reflected in the light/lens tho. We went up to the Marathon station and cars were all over the road, slipping and sliding! There is a LOT of ice under the 5-6 inches of fast falling snow. It shows no signs of letting up and I am thinking I am going to be missing Church in the morning. *sigh* I was really wanting to go to. I hate missing! lol

Anyway, I am off to play and create. Take care, stay warm and safe!

Mental out

Sigh

2008-12-03T18:45:00.002-05:00

Work is kicking my bottom and that is all there is to it! I can never do enough, get enough done the 'way we like it', or be perfect enough! Have you ever worked for all women and all totally and completely anal women to boot? Oh My God!! Plus, I had 2 hours of training that consisted of watching and scrambling to take notes while the person who had done the job for years flew thru doing it and I watched! I don't know about you but, I don't learn that way, I am a hands on learning. You would think since I am doing the company invoices and entering the $$ information into the spreadsheets for the President's and Accountant's reports that they would want to train me!! Geeshhh!! When I mentioned, very carefully, that I didn't feel that 2 hours of watching someone do the job, one hour one week and one hour the next week was adequate training, I was told "well, no one helped me, I had to figure it out by myself so, figure it out." Excuse me but, dang!!! I can't get over these women!! Where on earth did they crawl out from under?
There is one lady, she is very helpful, kind and sweet but, she doesn't really work with or near me so, kindness is far away.
Now, these are the ladies in the office that I am speaking of. The people in the production area that I worked in for background training, they are all so awesome!!! They are really great people! What a difference it is from the people in 'the back' to the 'ladies' and I use that term VERY loosely, out front. It's kinda sad really.
Oh well, all I can do is pray and do the very best job I can do. I was told NOT to make any mistakes....LMBO!! Since last time I looked I was not God, I think that might be a bit hard to do.
Till next time....
Mental out

This and That!

2008-11-29T18:42:00.002-05:00

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day Holiday! I am so thankful for many things and the day was a really good one! My son cooked and carried all the food to my house. It was very special to me as I have been very, very sick for about 10 days now! It was such a blessing for him to do this and I will treasure the memories for a long time! He is so funny! He tried to stuff a 22lb turkey into his spit roaster every way he could...it was hilarious listening to him describe it! That bird ended up in the big roasting pan and turned out tasty enough. LOL
Monday is December 1st and Christmas is fast approaching. It will be a bit of a sad Christmas this year with the money situation in fact, I am not sure how I am going to do Christmas at all but, I am going to give it my best shot. My beautiful Mer-Monster won't be with me but, I will have my son and Grandson and I am thankful for that. I am looking forward to it, don't get me wrong, I think it's just that I am still so sick and it kinda has me down.
My beautiful Angel Unaware Aubrey and her awesome other half brought me a wonderful blessing of boxes of food! Mr. Ginzer's class, Aubrey's other half, collected all the goodies and gave them out to those in need. What a special bunch of kids Mr. Ginzer's class is!! I am so touched and proud of them and so very, very thankful! What a blessing it has been!!
Well, my brain is stuffed and can't hold a coherent thought so, I am signing off for now and looking forward to less congested days! LOL
Mental out

Money Saver Tip!!

2008-11-19T17:51:00.002-05:00

We all know that things are really difficult right now and we are tightening our belts more than ever...well, Hubby found this really great..no, AWESOME way to save money. We have been doing this for 3 weeks now. He was looking for recipes and went to Kraft.com and found this amazing place on their site: http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/Dinner/1Bag5Dinners/1Bag5DinnersLanding.aspx
This gives you a menu for 5 days and all the ingredients it takes to cook the meals plus, the recipes! They are all very easy and really great tasting!
We were spending between 100.00$ - 140.00$ per week for a family of 4 that eats ALOT! We have since cut our grocery bill pretty much in half! Our highest weekly bill since utilizing this awesome sight has been 66.00$!! This is the total for ALL groceries purchased this week...including cat food, lunch meat, sodas and a very few extras. Don't get me wrong, we look for the most conservative staple that the recipe calls for and our 'extra' purchases are VERY few but, we have really started saving!
Another thing you can do to save some money is start a spending journal. This ones a bit tougher to keep up with and takes commitment, real dedication but, it does work! What you do is get a little note book you can keep in your purse and every single time you spend money on any item, you record it. Say you stop and get gas and a soda..you record it: 10.00$ (gas-Marathon) 1.49$ Mt. Dew. You RECORD EVERY SINGLE PURCHASE NO MATTER HOW SMALL! That is the key! Once you do it for 2 weeks to a month, you analyze it and you will be very surprised at how much money you spent for non-necessary items and how much you could have saved or put toward something else.
So, there are a coupla fairly easy ways you can save some money that you can 'see' immediatly. Let me know if you try one or both and how it works for you!

Mental out

Owwww!

2008-11-17T19:33:00.002-05:00

Today was the first day of my new job....and all I can say is..Oh My Goshhhhh...my poor ole body is aching to beat all! I will be working in the office but, to be more knowledgeable about what the plant creates, all new employees must work all plant positions during the first week. Don't get me wrong, I really believe it's a great idea...it's just that my body doesn't! Can you say 'Ibuprophen'? Still, I just keep thinking all day...it's only 1 week, it's only one week..there's no place like home, there's no place like home...I mean, it's only 1 week...
I met several people and they were very nice...aren't we all in the beginning? Oh that was a wicked thing to say! LOL Still, they were very nice! I really do look forward to this new beginning in this new position and look forward to the endless possibilities it brings. More than anything, I am thankful to my Lord and God for bringing this blessing to me!! Thru Him, all things are possible!

Take care...Mental Out

Got It!

2008-11-13T14:44:00.002-05:00

Well, I just found out that I got the job! I start on Monday so, 3 days left of freedom and then, the torture begins! Don't get me wrong, I am more than thankful to the Lord for bringing me this blessing!! He did this, not me! I just know that this job will be very difficult! LOL I begin by learning the production area...what the company creates, before I will move into my office position. I will work out on the production floors for 1 to 3 weeks...that is where I will be made or broken! LOL I know this ole worn out body is gonna be hurtin!
Anyway, just thought I would update you all!

Mental Out

Today's Opportunity

2008-11-12T21:36:00.002-05:00

Finally...I went to a job interview today. It was...well, I really can't describe it. LOL It was a good interview and I felt it went well. The pay is lower than I would like but, there are opportunities in the company. The company is a production plant, small and owned by a woman. It is also run by 98% women. They employ women from shelters, of various backgrounds, races, cultures and the magority of the ladies are over the age of 50. The work force is comprised of persons with various orientations and backgrounds. The regiment of the job would be a challenge but, I would love the diversity of all the different cultures blending into one 'family' as the owner calls it.
I consider it not only a challenge but an opportunity and blessing. I can't wait to see if I get hired and what happens after that.

Mental out

Loss of a friend

2008-11-09T18:00:00.002-05:00

News came to me today that a friend from the online world, the PSP and Graphics world, had passed away during the night. I joined my first 'PSP List' about 8 years ago and Spirit Of The Dove was on that list with me. She was a kind, gentle and sweet lady. Over the years, we spoke only occasionally but, we 'knew' each other. She was loved and will be greatly missed!
'Back in the day', as people say, it was a bit of a taboo if you will, to have 'friends' online but, we have quickly moved past that. When you spend a good amount of time online, no matter what you do, blogging, playing games, chatting, whatever it is, you 'meet' people and form 'relationships'. These people fill places in your heart, you come to care about them, share their happy and sad moments, you may know all about their lives. You pray for them, you cry and laugh with them. The love and grief you may feel for them and with them is real.
Beautiful Brenda, Spirit Of The Dove, we love you and we miss you but we know that you are now in His hands, with our beloved Lord. May you look down on us and smile. God Bless you and keep you, friend.

Mental out

A Day In History

2008-11-05T09:23:00.003-05:00

Into the night, I sat watching the Nation live out a dream. Hope was realized, a country came together. The first African-American man was elected as our new president. Emotions were high and I felt myself overwhelmed at all that was taking place before our very eyes. There were tears in our house as we finally believed that there might indeed be some hope for us all.
Tho I differed from Obama on his abortion morals, in all sense of those, I just could not let those concerns sway my vote. No, I don't agree with his fetal care, or no care policies, no, I don't agree with any of the choices he has a record on in that regard. However, as an unemployed Mother, watching my family loose all it's hope and we sink in despair, I had to vote for change! We simply can not take any more OR, have any more taken from us!! I can pray that Obama changes his views on the right to life, abortion and all things in that area. I differ from most Christians in that I believe we have God given free will and the right to choice is granted there in. Personally, at this stage in my life, I am pro-life BUT only after given a choice! What I am saying is, it is an extremely personal issue and I believe that every woman should be given a choice! As a Christian, I would pray for her and pray she is given all information and support that she needs to make the correct decision but, I would not take that choice from her.
As we watch the next couple of months, and the next year, or two, I pray that our hope was placed in the right person and that we all begin to realize that it is not by OUR will that this country once again grows strong but, by God's will and His alone! God must be brought back to America. There is brokenness, heartache, degradation, loss, loneliness and hopelessness throughout homes and this country. As we fell away from God, in our homes, in our government, in our lives, despair and evil was made welcome. Crime rates soar, abuse, racism, murder, hate...the list goes on and on and we have watched it growing every day and we sit and wonder what on earth is going on? The answer is simple and right there, it has been all the time. We fell away from the principals this country was founded on and before that, the principals that Jesus came and gave to us. We fell away from God. When there is no light, there can only be darkness.
I pray that God will once more grant us mercy and shine His light and love on us. I pray that the hope we feel again, will remain and grow flowing all over our Nation and our lives. I pray that all those that are lost, will be found. I pray that in despair and darkness, we will find hope and light once more.
By God's grace...By God's will...Amen.
Mental out

A thought

2008-10-28T16:52:00.002-04:00

I wander around the blogs that I like to visit and believe me, there are many. I love their goodies and am constantly looking for freebies and ideas. I see all the awards that are passed around and I begin to wonder...if they are just passed and passed, do they really mean anything? And, I leave comments to artists that I really like, sometimes and often, I ask them questions. To date, I have received 1 answer to the questions I have left, and I have left several.
Don't people read their comments? Don't they care about their readers?
I am begining to wonder and that makes me sad!
Mental out

A Breezy Monday!

2008-10-27T19:11:00.002-04:00

Well, today was not an ordinary Monday to say the least! LOL I went to work. It was really freezing out and we even had some snow in the wee hours. So, I wore my fav pants, black corduroys that are really snuggly! It was dark and rainy by the time I left however the ride in was fine. I was feeling a bit sleepy and wiggling an awful lot in my chair to keep awake. After 3 cups of coffee, a Diet Orange and a Mt. Dew, I was making several trips to the ladies room and no closer to waking up. Late in the morning, about 11:40am, I was just coming back and plopping back down into my chair when I heard a strange sound. Actually, I had been hearing it all morning but couldn't figure out what it was. This time however it was a bit louder. I said to myself, "that sounds like a ripping of cloth sound." but, I paid it no mind and went back to my task. After a moment, I noticed that my... behind was feeling quite a draft! I had been getting chillier and chillier but, I thought the temp was dropping. Well, something was dropping indeed but, it wasn't the temperature!! My bottom was now down right COLD! I reached around to warm it up a bit by pulling my coat further over my chair. That's when I felt it....a soft, snuggly piece of material. I couldn't quite figure this out...then, I felt my behind...felt icey cold skin and panties!! NOT the warm, soft material that was supposed to be there!! I jumped up! The whole bottom of my pants had ripped out!! Horizontally and were working there way vertically now!! Think of those old drop bottom jammies!! Yep, my bottom was exposed to all the elements and co-workers in the whole office!! Not only that, I had to walk from the back of the office to the front where my boss's office is to tell her I had to go home! AND, explain why! OMGssshhh!! I was mortified!! Then, I had to go down from the second story of the office building, across to the other side of the complex and across the whole parking lot!!!! No, my coat did NOT cover it as it had ripped to wide and long by now! Believe it or not, not one sole saw me! Or if they did, they didn't say a word!
My snuggy cords are now in the rag pile and another Monday goes down in Mental history for another blonde moment!
Mental out....LMBO...for REAL!

Jacqueline's Interview of Mental

2008-10-26T20:55:00.003-04:00

Jacqueline wants to know.....
1.How long have you been using PSP, PS? PSP? I have been using PSP for about 8 yrs now. I have dabbled in PS and look forward to learning and using it more! I would be lost without my PSP tho! I LOVE it!
2. How did you get into making tags, scrapkits? I got an enail years ago that had a sig tag in it! I fell in love and wanted to learn how to do that! I joined HGH aka Heather's Graphix Haven (closed) and began to learn. I formed my own PSP list with some friends, then, opened my own list and invited Jacq to co-own when I met her...Whimz & Wishez. The rest is history!
3. Who`s your fave artist? OMGshhh, I literally have TONS and TONS of favs! Jody Bergsma, Susan Comish, Jonathon Bowser, Alan Ayers, Jim Warren, Bergkvist..TONS! So many I forget them all!
4.Who`s your favorite Scrap Designer? Like above, I really do have tons of favs! You should see all the sites I have bookmarked! I really love Melissa from Sentimental Style, Sunf from UrbanFairyTales, Seaschell, Alexa, Shawna from Scrap Stuff with PSP, and sooo many more! There are some really awesomely talented people creating!
5. Which three blogs do you visit everyday? I Love blogs and Jaqc's always has wonderful stuff on it! I try to get there atleast once a day and hit the others that I have bookmarked as often as I can! I visit all the ABCD blogs of course, and my own. LOL
Now, I am supposed to send this to 3 others...well, seems most all are hit that I visit so, am breaking the chain here! Sorry Jacq! LOL Thank you tho!! I loved being 'interviewed'! :O)~
Mental Out!

A HUGE Thank You!!

2008-10-18T18:40:00.003-04:00

My wonderful and awesome friend, Denise, taught me how to change my blog layout!! I am so thankful!! I goofed it at first and lost my ad placements/htmls but, I just put new ones on. I did my own design, LOL, it's my very first so, please, bare that in mind while viewing. I also had to change my font coloring but, I just love the thought that I can change the background any time now!! I can't wait to learn how to change the Title Header pic now!! Wooohooo!! I got the tubes I used in this design from a scrap kit called: "Growing Pumpkins" I am not sure who the creator is but, if you know, please contact me so that I can give them credit!

I have my second design already to go and am dedicating it to Denise...shhhh...it's a surprise and I really hope she likes it! Here is a preview:

Nothing fancy...but, it's from the heart! The preview is kinda funky here but, I guess you get the idea. Thank you, Denise!! You are so AWESOME!!

Mental out

Freecycle Organization

2008-10-18T10:48:00.002-04:00

I have the link to the group I was telling you about! To find the group in your area, please go to this website:
http://www.freecycle.org/
Hope it works for you!!

Mental out

This and That

2008-10-18T09:04:00.002-04:00

It's a gorgeous Saturday morning, a chill in the air and the sun is just starting to peek out from the horizon. I have great hopes that today will be a wonderful day!
I am choosing not to stress over money worries today! Now, that may be easier said than done but, I am going to work on it.
I joined a new Yahoo group about a week ago, it's called Freecycle.com and it is awesome! You sign up for your area and then people post with free stuff they want to offer or things they are looking for. It's like having a yard sale every day! It's well worth finding one in your location! When I know the exact name for it, I will post it for you.
I am off to work on WW now, get some stuff done for the list and see where the day leads.
Till next time....
Mental out!

What doesn't kill you makes you...hurt like heck!

2008-10-14T18:22:00.002-04:00

Tonight I had a friend call me and she was very upset. She is hurting so badly that she could not even think and to be honest, I believe she was in a state of shock. It wasn't a physical hurt but an emotional hurt. Let me give you some background...
My friend is in a really bad relationship, the kind you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. She is 'stuck' in that relationship due to financial reasons and I honestly believe that right now, there is no way out for her. She is doing everything possible to get out of it however. This last year has been a very turbulent and painful year for her. She met this person, a person that she absolutely fell head over heels for but, didn't see a way to have a relationship with this man because of the state of her own situation plus, she wasn't sure if this man felt the same way she did. Anyway, she ended up moving away from this man, and then finding out that he felt the same, or he indicated that he did. So, here she was, miles from this man, feeling as if he was her knight in shining armor and not knowing how in the world to get back to him. He as all she thought about. He was everything she dreamed of. So, she put a plan in motion, get a job, save some money and get out of the current relationship, move back to the area she had left and start a 'real' relationship with this man. She believed that he felt the same and was going to wait for her, meantime, they would have an 'email' relationship. Apparently, he didn't feel the same. She told me that he told her never to write him again, that the "rollercoaster world" she lived in was too painful to him and he needed something 'real'. My friends' whole world came crashing down, again, in 2 lines of an email.
The thing is, she told me that he was right, that her life was a rollercoaster! She has been recently diagnosed with 2 magor illnesses and has been fighting those, she lost her job, and is in this awful relationship that she is desperatly fighting to get out of. This other man was her lifeline I think, her hope for a better future and her last final belief in love, that love really does exist. She has now lost that last bit of hope she was clinging to and her self esteem, gone, totally and unquestionably gone. She told me that she understood that this other man could not possibly love someone like her, she had too much baggage, was too fat, too old and too sick. How could she ever have believed that he would wait for her? She said that she had put unrealistic expectations on their relationship, that she had not meant to but, that she had. She believed that the only way to keep their relationship alive and well was to communicate thru email since that was all she had. She had told him her thoughts. She emailed him but, he never really had the time to email her back and she constantly told me that he was just too busy with drama in his own life. I told her that should have been a clue. She agreed. I told her that life IS a rollercoaster! Some days are up and some are not! Sometimes we all expect too much. Sometimes we all say things we don't really mean in the heat of the moment or even do things we wished we never did but, that is how human beings are! I told her that if it had really been love, he would have 'talked' to her and not simply emailed her a 'Dear Jane' email. That, of course, is the easy way out. I told her that I believe that he did not have the love level she did nor the committment level that she did and yes, she did put too many expectations on him. She thought he was the most awesome man she had ever met, that he was funny, intelligent and gorgeous! I told her well, then he sounds too good to be true. Then she said, yeah, I guess he was. I built him up and there was no where for him to go but down. She said she just regrets that he didn't care enough to talk to her about his concerns or anything else. I agreed, that was sad and perhaps, he gave up just too easily on something really special.
Ah well, I believe that my friend will heal in time. I don't believe however that she will trust again and maybe, just maybe, she will never let her heart get away from her again but, she will live. After all, a broken heart may hurt worse than the physical abuse she lives with but, it won't kill her......
Mental out

Testify

2008-10-03T22:15:00.004-04:00

Well, I have been meaning to get back here, to catch up with all but, life really got in the way. Where to start...
The last 2 weeks or so have been...gosh, it's hard to find the words. I guess I will start at the beginning...
I got a call from the Mer Monster, for those of you that don't know, Mer is my 14 year old daughter. She is..stubborn, intelligent, talented, beautiful and a pain in my rear end! LOL She is my baby girl, what can I say. Mer called me and she told me that she needed to talk to me, that she had 'done something'. Let me tell you, I have heard these words before but, there was something in her tone of voice that cause a HUGE pit to form in my stomach! I was silent. She told me that she and a group of her friends had been 'playing this game', that she had 'hurt herself'. Even tho it registered somewhere in my brain what she was telling me, it didn't register in some ways. I know that's hard to explain, and understand. She continued and told me that she wasn't hurt that badly and that she had 'snapped' before she had done too much damage. Ok, I was freaking and trying really hard to keep it together all at the same time while listening and picturing this beautiful little girl 'hurting' herself. By 'hurting' I mean stabbing and cutting. These kids who love each other, were doing this to themselves AND each other. Why? Because they hurt so much 'inside' that the pain to the exterior makes them feel better!! Yes, we have all heard of this and these 'cutters' but, WE NEVER THINK OUR KIDS ARE THOSE KIDS! I am here to tell you that THOSE kids are OUR kids! Yours, mine and ours! It doesn't matter if you are black, white, pink or purple; rich, poor or inbetween; it doesn't matter what school they go to, who they hang out with, what clubs they are in or who their Mommy and Daddy's are! They are ALL kids and they are OUR kids! Get a clue people! Our kids are crying out for help! Depression is a HUGE problem with our children!! YOU need to know what your child is doing, saying and what their friends are doing and saying! You need to wake up and pay attention! I was so lucky that my daughter snapped and called me for help! Every day, other parents are not so lucky and they are getting a call from someone else, someone telling them that their child killed themself! Please take some time to research teen depression and the EMO culture that is alive and well....for lack of better words, in our kids lives today! Before it's too late for your child, you and your family. If you have time to read these words, you have time to read about teen depression!
Ok, sorry for yelling but, sometimes ya gotta wake some folks up.
Now, some good did happen during these painful two weeks as well. Last week, I was walking into Church, Granger Community Church which is now our full flegded home church, and as I was sitting down, I heard a rather loud determined voice say, "So, I am worth less than your dirty clothes." Now, I looked around, kinda startled, and embarrassed at the same time. See, I had been thinking that I had some money in my purse...2 piles actually. One pile was a 5 dollar bill with 3 ones, and the other was a 20 dollar bill I was saving for laundry. I wanted to know who heard this voice and how did the voice know I was going to save the 20 for laundry and only give the 8 dollars to the church plate. As I looked and noticed that nobody else heard the voice, I began to realize with my head what my heart knew the instant I heard that voice. I KNEW exactly who said those words...God. I KNEW it. Plain and simple and let me tell you, it was like when you were a child and being scolded by your parent!! I was embarrassed and ashamed, right to the core! I felt soooooooo bad that I can't tell you! And let me tell you that when the church plate came 'round, I couldn't get that 20 bucks in there quick enough! Phewww! It was a relief too!
After I put the money in the collection plate, I turned to my husband to explain why I had given our laundry money. I told him I would explain it better in the car...I didn't want anyone to hear me and think me totally insane, but, that I just had to. He simply smiled and said, "I was thinking that we should give that 20 anyway." I told him later on, about God speaking to me and he didn't even think me crazy a bit. He said he didn't hear God but, he knew God wanted us to give that money.
Just a few days later....worrying about how we were going to pay for repairs to our car and get some food and pay some bills...we got a phone call telling us to come trade in our broken car for a new one...no money down, we got a check in the mail from my blogging for 120.00$ and my hubby got a brand new XBox to replace his that had failed. Now, you tell me that obeying God doesn't pay!! J has been testifying like a mad man all week to the guys at work and anyone that he can get to stop for a second and listen! It's crazy! lol He said tonight...God said follow me and I am saying follow me to God! Let me tell you folks, when God speaks to you, YOU KNOW it! You might ignore it and try to rationalize it away but, YOU KNOW IT! My daughter asks me how do you know when God talks to you? I answer her this way...you know that little voice in your head that says, you know you shouldn't have done that?...well, that's God. I know that isn't really explaining it right or correctly maybe but, it's simple and honest. We know when we do right and wrong, plain and simple. God isn't this huge mysterious creature somewhere, He's plain and simple...He's God. You know Him and you feel Him. He is alive and He is in your life. You may not know it, you may not like it but, it is. When I explain to her the way I do, she gets this look in her eyes like a light bulb went off and usually says oh yeah! She knows, just like you and I know and, just like God knows! So, from a simple and plain woman like me to you...check God out, you really won't be sorry!
Before my hubby was saved, he used to ask me things like "how do you know there's a God" "how do you know God talks to you" "how can you be so sure?!?!" I couldn't explain it well, I don't have the words. I would simply tell him how I found God, my experience and how I felt and feel. I told him, I don't have the words to tell you but, I simply know. I mean look at it this way, if I am wrong, what have I lost? But, if you are wrong...what have you lost? I would rather believe and be wrong than not believe and be wrong!! If I believe and I do, I get to spend enternity in heaven. If I am wrong, and I am not, then, what, I go to sleep forever and ever. If you are right, you get to sleep too but, if you are wrong.....well, we know where you get to spend eternity! So, what side would you rather be on? Me, I am betting on the Big Guy! lol Besides, once you know how awesome God is, you can't go back! God kicks butt! The feeling that God gives is a million times better than anything you have ever tried! I call it the God High! It's amazing! It makes you all silly and giggly and hungry. No, it's not weed, it's the God High! You get silly with joy, giggly with knowing you are saved and hungry for more of God! Hubby and I are 'baby Christians', we are still learning about God and wow, we are hungry to know more! Every single Sunday after the church service is ending we are already looking forward to next Sunday and wishing it was here already! We hunger for knowledge of God! We thirst for Him and want to learn everything we can! It's overwhelming how much we want God in our lives! We can't get our fill of God! LOL
Anway, I invite you, if you live anywhere around Mishawaka, Indiana, to check out Granger Community Church and to check out God, you won't be sorry...and hey, tell Him that the dirty laundry lady sent you, He'll know who you mean. *smiles*
Till next time....
Mental out

And the rain, rain, rain came down, down, down...

2008-09-14T14:54:00.005-04:00

Well, I am thankful I am not in the path of any hurricanes to say the least but, wow, talk about rain! There are standing puddles all around and some streets are simply flooded! We could not even get into the Walmart parking lot yesterday so, I can image what it is like today! Even going to Church this morning was an adventure. Hubby asked me if I thought he should start on the Ark building. lol
Speaking of Church, we attended the Granger Community Church for the first time this morning, on our search for a 'home' church. At first we were a bit unsure due to it being a VERY large church but, we were very pleasantly surprised. Not only was the worship music to our tastes but, the teaching was very currently applied biblical teaching AND there was some wonderful humor throughout the ceremony! It really was a great experience! Even Tybo enjoyed it! We will definetly being going again next Sunday and are looking forward to it alreay!
On another note, I wanted to tell you about this Mr. Clean freebie spongy thingy I got and tried. WOW! It is amazing! It's called the Magic Eraser, something close to that anyway. It cleans soooo awesomely AND effortlessly! For someone with arthritis and Fibromyalgia, it is a must have! I will see if I can find the freebie link but, I only remember that I got it off of Summergal's blog! Her link is here...tell me more, tell me more...I believe is her title. I should know! LOL Because she is one of my bestest friends AND her blog has the most awesome freebies!!
Still another note, I finished another scrap kit today! It is my favorite now! lol I entitled it: Sugar Cookies and it is a Christmas kit. I had a thought of something I wanted to make one night, a sugar cookie and that thought inspired the whole kit! I hope you will check it out! Here is a little quick tag I made to show you the new kit.

http://abcdesignz.blogspot.com/

I also have a new kit that is dedicated to my dear friend Aubrey. It's titled after her. She is incredible and I plan to make a tag with it soon to show you as well.

Right now, I have to run to the t.v. as my Colts are getting killed and I have to go cheer them on!!

Till next time....

Mental out

September 11th

2008-09-11T14:52:00.005-04:00

On the way home from work today, I got off early due to lack of work, I was listening to my local Christian station that I love, WFRN, and I heard a song... a song that simply made me cry from the bottom of my heart. It was a speaking voice, set to the music of Silent Night and based on a poem called, "Meet Me In The Stairwell". The voice in the song was God's voice, well, you know what I mean...and wow!! It is a heart and gut wrenching thing to listen to! Here is a link to this song: http://www.visionradioproductions.com/node/577 Please take a moment to listen to it. Be sure to have plenty of tissue ready!! Here is the YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gzg1qL6b4uk
And, in rememberance of 9/11/01 Here is the poem by Stacey Randall: "Meet Me In The Stairwell"

'MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL'
By Stacey Randall
You say you will never forget where you were when
you heard the news On September 11, 2001.
Neither will I.

I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room
with a man who called his wife to say 'Good-Bye.' I
held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the
peace to say, 'Honey, I am not going to make it, but it
is OK...I am ready to go.'

I was with his wife when he called as she fed
breakfast to their children. I held her up as she
tried to understand his words and as she realized
he wasn't coming home that night.

I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a
woman cried out to Me for help. 'I have been
knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!' I said.
'Of course I will show you the way home - only
believe in Me now.'

I was at the base of the building with the Priest
ministering to the injured and devastated souls.
I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He
heard my voice and answered.

I was on all four of those planes, in every seat,
with every prayer. I was with the crew as they
were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the
believers there, comforting and assuring them that their
faith has saved them.

I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan .
I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news.
Did you sense Me?

I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew
every name - though not all know Me. Some met Me
for the first time on the 86th floor.

Some sought Me with their last breath.
Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the
smoke and flames; 'Come to Me... this way... take
my hand.' Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me.
But, I was there.

I did not place you in the Tower that day. You
may not know why, but I do. However, if you were
there in that explosive moment in time, would you have
reached for Me?

Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey
for you. But someday your journey will end. And I
will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may
be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are
'ready to go.'

I will be in the stairwell of your final moments.

God

Award for Scrapdoctor!

2008-09-01T11:26:00.004-04:00

I LOVE this blog!! It is so filled with love and wonderful things!! This blog is amazing and I love visiting and love the gifts she shares with us! Thank you for a wondeful blog!! http://scrapdoctor.blogspot.com/
Please email me at: MentalNotez@aol.com to get the award.

Picking Myself up, or trying to anyway...

2008-09-01T10:50:00.002-04:00

Lately I have been feeling really lost and empty as well as being in pain, physically and emotionally. I believe that something is going on with my health, more than usual. I have this weird swelling going on, unbelievable swelling, and it gets very painful. My legs, feet, ankles and hands swell grotesquely, I mean huge! I can't walk, I wobble, and it feels as if the skin is ripping off my body with the stretching! It burns and itches. I just don't know what is causing it!
Due to lack of medical insurance, I am unable to get to a doctor. I 'make to much' to receive any kind of aid, and I am simply one of those people left out. If things keep going like this, I am going to head to the ER as I am getting scared of what's going on with me.
The emotional pain is much harder to deal with and explain. I am simply lost. I feel as if I am in this giant, dark pit and though I know there is a way out, I can't find it. I don't know which way to turn, which way to move, so, I stand still, in the darkness. I have come to a point that all I can think to do is to pray. I don't even know what to pray for really though. I am simply going to pray and ask God to help me out of this place I am in. That is all I can do.
I am worried about some friends...Denise, whom I love dearly, who seems so down and blue...I wish you didn't feel that way, I understand, and I would take it from you if I could! Sandra, in the path of Gustav, I fear for you and pray for you. For Jan, also in Gustav's path...May God keep you both safe from harm!
I guess that's about it for now. Not very exciting or inspiring.
Mental out

For Jacq...

2008-08-25T16:11:00.002-04:00

Because you are amazing, brilliant, wonderful, intelligent, awesome, special, beautiful...and because you are always there for me, always picking up after me on WW, taking care of and encouraging me, and doing so fantastically in your weight watching...and because I love you..this is for you!!

So Thankful!

2008-08-24T12:51:00.004-04:00

Wow! Thank you!! This is so awesome, sweet, kind and wonderful!!

Now, here are the rules for this award:

1.The winner can put the logo on her blog
2. Link the person you received your award from Jacquline Thanks so much! You are such a wonderful friend!
3.Nominate at least 4 other blogs.
4.Put links of those blogs on yours.
5.Leave a message on the blogs of the girls you’ve nominated...

I am nominating...

http://skrapperdigitals.blogspot.com/

http://puuurfectdesigns.com/blog/

http://meetjesdigiscraps.blogspot.com/

http://digikeepsake.blogspot.com/

Thank you!!

Growing Up and Out

2008-08-16T21:19:00.002-04:00

Well, this week has been a time for growing. My youngest went back to school, his last year in elementary and my daughter, off to school in another state for her last year in middle school. They grow up quicker than the eye can catch. It's not sad, and I am glad for more peace in the house but, it's...well, it makes you slow up a bit and think. Think about the way time flies and how you have to grab hold of it sometimes. I think that is where I am now. Thinking that I need to grab hold. Of what, I am not quite sure yet but, something, I know. Before the time is all gone.
The kittens all found homes today as well. It was the first day for the Ad in the newspaper and they are gone. Mother in law ended up keeping the runt, tiger, a small orange tabby and the Mommy of them all, went to a wonderful family living on an 18 acre farm. She needed to be outside. The land is fenced in and she will have 2 other kitty friends there as well. When the lady came to get her, she stuck her paw out and touched the ladies arm, looking longingly at her and I knew she had found a home and heart to care for her! We just couldn't keep her couped up in this small apartment, it wasn't fair.
A single couple, the man in the military and the wife, a stay at home, work part time wife, came for the brindled babies. At first, they only took one, but, the man really wanted them both. The wife said no to him. They drove away and 15 mins later, he was back knocking at the door for the other one. It was too funny!
The other orange tabby went to a friend of ours. We will be able to see her any time.
So, I guess it was a really good day and all the babies got great homes!
I start work this Wednesday, a new temp assignment. I have to be positive about it and pray that things will work out. I am getting tired of being down so, time to hit the praying really hard! I don't want to be sad any more! Life's too dang short!
Guess that's it for now, I'm tired and going to read. Take care and see ya next time...
Mental out

It's Me

2008-08-07T18:59:00.005-04:00

Sitting, gazing out the window, my mind drifts to days gone past.
I sigh a heavy sigh, the good times, they never seem to last.
A ghost of a smile plays about my lips, a memory dances just
beyond my finger tips.
I reach out, longing to catch it, to bring it close again.
It flitters away. Alone again, alone since then.
Reaching for the phone, my hand wavers and falls,
longing to hear your voice, empty silence, no one calls.
So many words bottled up inside wanting to tumble
forth and all I can do is stumble, not knowing if you
want to hear them, nor knowing how to shape the emotion
into words that escape me.
How do I show you? How do I make you see?
These stupid words, they don't mean a thing,
not when my heart has forgotten how to sing.
How I long to see your face, to touch you, touching me.
So many miles my love has traveled,
ripping at my heart unraveled.
A tear slips and and falls,
I don't catch it.
Perhaps it's not the end, could it be the beginning
after all?
I don't have the strength to hold on, my soul screams
to you,
catch me, bring me to the safety of your love
and teach me words can be true.
I just want to sleep, simply to forget,
lost in yesterday, aching with regret.
Why didn't I tell you, say the words my heart
begged me to say?
I love you, I need you, I want you, it hurts, I
only wanted you to whisper, please don't go,
it's me, please stay.
Gazing out the window all I can do is cry.
I'm lost, beyond the hows and why,
all I ache for is the soothing comfort of your arms
holding me, showing me there's no more harm.
Help me. Save me. Teach me.
More than all, love me
with a love that I've dreamt of all my life,
never wanting more than just to share
your life.
Remind me how to again believe
for all I know is how love always leaves.
Let your heart with words speak to mine,
whisper it's me and you are mine.
Not for now, not for today, forever,
for all time.
Teach me how to hope, to trust, how to see,
say the words, come home, my love, come
home, it's me.

August Already

2008-08-07T10:49:00.002-04:00

So, August is here. The time flies by no matter where you are, what you are doing or what is happening, or not happening, in your life.
These last few weeks have gotten so hard. I realize that I am depressed, in a funk, feeling lost and can't seem to find my way out. There is a sadness, an emptiness in my life that I just can't seem to make go away. I would guess that 50% is from being 'sick' and 50% is stress but you would think that in knowing that, I could make it stop. I can't. I hate living like this. I hate remembering the way I used to be, the person I used to be and almost crying cause I miss her so much! I want to be that person again! I want to smile again, and mean it! I want to laugh again because there is something in my life to laugh about! I remember that people used to tell me all the time, "You are always smiling!" It's true, I was. Now all they say is, "Why do you look so sad? Why do you look so unhappy?" I can't explain, there are no words.
Along with all this there is an overwhelming sense of melancholy. There are people in my life that I love and are not in my life right now. I miss them! I miss them with all my heart! I want to share my life with them again and I want to share their life with them. But, I don't know how.
I feel so lost. So completely and utterly lost. I really hate it! Life was not meant to be lived like this and in truth, it is not living at all, it is merely existing among the living! Life was meant to be full, rich and happy...at least most of the time anyway. lol I know we all have our moments of sadness, of troubles, stresses and such but, geeeshhh...come on already.
So, what do I do? How do I change this cycle of unhappiness? How do I end this feeling of hopelessness and emptiness?
I don't know. I wish I did.

Yuk..and then some!

2008-07-30T11:01:00.002-04:00

It's Wednesday and I feel awful!! I mean AWFUL!! I have the worst summer head and chest cold! I sound like a frog, no, worse! And, dang it all, it hurts!! I am not sure that I ever had this crud before but I am sure that I do NOT want it!!
Recently my friend Beth, owner of Turning PoinT General Contracting, approached me about a business deal. I own Saving You The Green, a lawncare and landscape company. She wanted to incorporate or merge our businesses. After meeting with her and discussing all the details, we decided it would be good for all of us, all the way around. So, we started to get things moving. Since then, the lawyers, accountants and banks have been involved and like everything related to those types, we are bogged down in red tape. At this point, everything is on hold. That's a real bummer!
On the home front, I got a call from my sister saying that my Mom needed some help. She is in a nasty relationship and apparently, decided it was time for her to get out. My opinion is that she should never have gotten into the relationship with this jerk but, I am not one to speak about relationships by any stretch of the imagination!! So, I am dealing with that mess and it looks like I might be making a trip to New Mexico and South Carolina soon. I need to go pick up my Mom, from NM, and take her to my sister's home in SC. I am up for it, anything to get my Mom away from that...that....ewwww there are no words!! It won't be pretty and it won't be fun. It will be very expensive! I am so ready to go!!
The business is good, we have had several estimates lately and I am waiting to hear back on the last 2. Plus, we have an easy money job tonight and believe me, with me out of a 'real' job, any money coming in is a blessing!
Well, I am off to nap and hopefully this nasty cold will subside soon!! It is NOT fun!
Till next time...
Mental out

Learning something new at any age!

2008-07-30T10:06:00.002-04:00

Most of you know that I am very interested in returing to college to get another degree. I have been doing some research, trying to find the institution that would best suit my needs. I am a Mom to 3 who recently lost her job. I want to find a school that fits my hectic schedule and offers the classes and perks I need. So, in doing my research, I came across this and thought I would share it with you...
The Cisco Learning Network. When I first opened their homepage, https://cisco.hosted.jivesoftware.com/index.jspa?ciscoHome=true, I noticed the difference right away. It was more of a blog layout. They offered snipets of information so that you could read a bit and decide if you wanted to learn more. The homepage is crammed full of information. They offer discussions you can read and visuals through video as well. As we all learn and soak up information in different ways, I thought this was a great way to present information to all.
As I read more, I saw that they offered 4 levels of education, an Entry level all the way to Specialist. You can pick the certificate that is right for you in their Network Certification Programs!
One program that I am very interested in finding more information on is the Cyber Security/Network Security programs. I believe that this is an up and coming field with a great many opportunities available now with more to come in the future. Cisco offers Network and Internetwork security programs. Within these, there are various levels of specialties for you to choose your focus from.
It was very appealing to me that Cisco also mentions a 'Green' IT. With the economy and global issues we all face, this was a plus for me! Cisco has a goal of reducing greenhouse gas emissions by 25% in the next 4 years. Definetly a factor in my research!
The Cisco site also offers a 'real people' aspect. You can utilize the 'Connections' tab to find out what kind of people are active in the Cisco Network Learning world. See what kind of professionals they are associated with and what their functions are.
They have an online learning center as well. Resources, documents, discussions and blogs, all the information you could want and use!
The Cisco Learning Network site is definetly full of information and well worth taking a look at if you are seeking to enhance or further your career in networking! Do yourself a favor and don't pass up the information and opportunities this site offers!
Cisco certification

Good Days and Bad Days!

2008-07-18T10:02:00.002-04:00

This week has simply flown by! I have been so busy with all the adjustments here in the Mental Home as well as working to build the business. It's been crazy!
Sometimes, I simply don't know what to think or which way to turn! It's like being out of focus so you stand real still, afraid to move because you aren't real sure which direction is the right direction, the safe direction.
It's been a week since leaving my temporary job. I miss the security of that. I miss my friend Aubrey there even more. I get my last pay check from that position today and no more in sight. I am simply terrified! I pray that God will lead me to where I need to be and constantly remind myself that my life belongs to Him and that I have turned my life over to Him. So, when does the fear stop? I was taught that when you turn your life over to God, you are granted peace. I haven't gotten the peace part yet. The fear still rules my life. There are times when it is so bad, it physically manifests itself. I get headaches, stomach aches, snappy and unable to function. As a person with Social Anxiety Disorder, SAD, it sure doesn't help any to be unemployed!
I went and filed for unemployment on Monday. I didn't even get to talk to a live person so, I have no clue as to what will happen. We have become so dispersonal as a society. It's all about 'line em up, get em in and get em out' and forget that they are human beings! I left with even more questions than I had. Plus, there are so many more people out of work that assistance is backed up. It's a sad state of affairs for our country.
So, as I look for work, work on getting the business going, I debate what I am doing wrong and what I am going to do. I am still toying with the thought of going back to school. I am so leaning in that direction but again, the fear looms up and kicks me in the gut. I hate living in this constant state. I think that if by Tuesday I haven't heard anything on a job, I will call the ITT Tech councilor and see if I can set up an appointment with her to discuss options.
I guess that's about it for this rant.
Till next time...
Mental out

A Weekend of Blessings!

2008-07-14T07:46:00.002-04:00

WOW! What a weekend! Some wonderful things happened this weekend, we were so blessed by God!
As you know, my job finished on Friday. I got a gift card from the wonderful folks at Church Plumbing and Heating and a delicious cake! I was thinking of paying some bills with my card but instead I went a little crazy. I got 2 outfits, one for an interview, should I have one, and the other for relaxing in. I didn't have any jean shorts any more so now I do! Yay! I also got some T's for hubby to work in, new socks and just some fun stuff. I saved enough to get a hair cut too!
On Friday evening, I got a call from an elderly woman who needed an estimate on some yard work she needed done. Hubby and I went over there and met with Mrs. H and her lovely husband, Mr. H. They are 80 and 89, respectively. Mr. H is ill with pre-stage Alzheimers. He has the sweetest smile you would ever want to see and if I wasn't already hitched, I might have had to flirt with him a little. Oh he is a doll and such a gentle man. Well, while we were talking with Mrs. H about what she needed done, she just about broke down in tears. They are on a fixed income of course and no children or family to help them out. My husband who has a HUGE soft spot for the elderly was a gonner! He decided to do the work for the cost of the materials AND will be taking care of her lawn for the next month for free. He also gave her a VERY low cost estimate for a monthly contract for every month after that. When he finished the work the next day, she was so happy she couldn't hardly speak. He presented her with a pot of flowers and will be back to work for her at the end of the week. Meeting them was a blessing and so was the income for us.
With the little bit of money we made, we purchased advertising materials. Well, while I was on the website we use, www.Vistaprint.com I got 2 emails with 'freebies' offered from them. I was on a roll then...I shopped till I dropped for sure! We were able to get almost 200.00$ worth of materials for 33.50$ not including shipping! We got T-Shirts, a Cap, business cards, post cards, car door signs, sticky notes, thank you cards, and much more! Thank you Vistaprint! Another blessing in that savings and opportunity!
Then, as if that wasn't enough, while relaxing for the evening, the kids and Mother-In-Law gone, I realized that Biscuit, the cat we gave hubbies Mom, hadn't been seen for a few hours. So, we went looking for her. She didn't come when dinner was served and I knew that wasn't right. We finally found her, in the far, dark corner of our closet. Her and 5 newborn kittens!! We knew she was pregnant but, had no clue that she was so far along! She is very small and was not all that fat, or so we thought. We now have 2 black babies, 1 buff, and 2 orange and white furballs. One has a very large voice too! LOL All are doing fine as far as we know. We will check them more this evening after they have had time to adjust a bit.
I need to get to work now so, better finish this posting.
Till next time...
Mental out

It's Friday!

2008-07-11T09:03:00.000-04:00

I don’t have a whole lot of time this morning to update here but, I wanted to give it a try.
Life is changing once again. It seems my life is always in a state of constant flux and today is no different. I have never had a ‘normal’ stress-free time in my life. I have accepted, or at least am working on accepting, that. God created my life to be a roller coaster. I would normally say that this kind of wild, stress-filled life would be due to choices we have made for ourselves and our lives. I would also say that 75% of that holds true for me. As I grow as a Christian, I learn more and more and hopefully make better decisions based on that; I also see that the stress in my life remains a sure thing, a constant. That being the case, I tend to believe that this is the life I was meant to have. I won’t say I like it but, it is not my choice.
So, today I wrap up a job that I have had for 4 mos which most of you are thinking is not a very long time. You are right, it isn’t. However for a person with SAD, Social Anxiety Disorder, even an hour can be a VERY long time. I made relationships here and friends, again something that for a person with SAD can be very hard to do. So, it is a very stressful day, knowing I will be leaving the little bit of security I have built up here at this job. The worry of knowing that I will have to go interview and start another position again can be and is, overwhelming at times. It can literally make me sick.
I also had to finally get a ‘new’ car yesterday replacing the old beater I had. I knew it was coming but I was not looking forward to it. It is just another stress inducing thing for me. The beater was paid for. There were no surprises as I knew what it’s quirks were, I knew it was junk, and so, I was comfortable with it. Now, I have a payment and a car that I don’t know. I found myself constantly listening and ‘feeling’ this morning on the way to work, waiting for something to be wrong with the new car. I have to talk myself out of that worry and it is almost impossible for me.
When I say that turning things over to God is what I am going to do, it is really want I want to do, what I would love to do, what I am dying to do but, not what I am capable of doing. With the anxiety I deal with, it is my nature to worry. If I turned it over, what would that leave me? Good question for someone in my shoes, isn’t it.
So, I keep saying, I am turning this all over to God. I think if I say it enough, I will talk myself into it and it is a way of practicing doing that. When you practice, it teaches you how to make it a routine. I have to turn my life into a minute to minute practice session. It is the only way I can see how to deal with things rather that going to a doctor, for which I have no insurance, and taking drugs I can’t afford and don’t want. So, practice, I hope, will eventually make perfect.
As the day dwindles and the new road looms closer, I will continue to worry but, maybe not as much as I chant in my head, I am giving it to you God, you can have it all, I don’t want it. I figure He will get sick of hearing me, take control and I won’t have to worry about it all any more. And, isn’t that the intent anyway?
Till next time...
Mental out

What to do?

2008-07-09T10:39:00.003-04:00

As Friday looms nearer, the last day for this job contract, I am faced with a HUGE dilema. The temp service I work for is wanting to send me out to interview for a job, a job that would start pretty much right away, with the same pay I have now, and at full time hours. Sounds great, right? Well, it is a job that I really don't want. I tried it before for 4 months and did NOT like it at all! Not the same company but, the same position basically. Also, as I start up the new business, the lawn care one, I need to be able to dedicate some time to it as well. The thing is, with the economy the way it is, I am terrified that if I don't take this new position, and the business doesn't take off a bit, I won't get anything else and it will be a devestating blow to the family!
What I would like to do is, work part time, as I have been, or at least attend the college courses I wanted to while working on the new business and collect from a fund I have access to. That is a short time fund however and it will run out. It also won't bring in as much as my working would.
Did anything I said even make sense? This problem is really weighing down my mind and my thought process is boggled down with it. I can't seem to think of anything else nor are any solutions just jumping up and hitting me in the face.
I would love to know your thoughts on this! Would you take a chance, these days? Is it worth it? There are such opportunities for the new business AND with me getting my college degree in the area I want and have wanted to for so long now! I am not getting any younger mind you. I simply will not have the time to do the college thing if I am working full time. I know myself, I know my limitations. That is not an option for me.
There is still a full time income coming in to the house if I don't work. It is not the amount of my income but, it is an income.
Did I say how much I am longing to work part time or, not at all and going back to college? I so am! More than my words can express. I really want to invest my time and energies in the college and the business! Maybe the business even more so! That is hard for me to admit too! As I write and re-read, I realize just how much I want this new business to succeed and the college courses were a back up to that plan for the future.
So, what would you do?
I will give it over to prayer and to God but, sometimes, I just need a little discussion with friends, or strangers, on things.
Till next time, may God bless and keep you!
Mental out

July 7th, The Monday After

2008-07-07T10:18:00.003-04:00

It is the Monday after July 4th weekend. I hope each and every one of you had a safe and happy Holiday weekend.
Today begins my last week at my present job. To be honest, in most ways, I am not sorry to go but, with the economy the way it is, I am terrified in most other ways. I will leave it in God's hands.
This Holiday weekend was pretty simple in the Mental house. We went to a cookout on the 4th and did fireworks like most other folks. Nothing memorable and I guess, that is a good thing. For the rest of the weekend, it seemed that no one wanted to do a thing at all. They were vegetables and no amount of proding from me worked on them at all. I felt so good and full of energy on Saturday, I tried and tried to get them up and out, all to no avail. By Sunday, I gave in and turned into a turnip with them. We watched all of the Harry Potter movies, for about the millionth time and enjoyed them all over again. We are HUGE Harry Potter fans. We had a nice dinner Sunday night and simply laid back, eatting, watching movies and doing nothing. It was really nice.
And now it's Monday, back to the grind. My plan for this week is to get more fliers and business cards out for my new business, my Lawn Care and Landscaping business.
( http://savingyouthegreen.blogspot.com/ )
We haven't been pusing it and now it's time to step it up into high gear! The kids get paid to pass out fliers and get a commission if their fliers generate business so, they are wanting to get out there. Well, at least the Mer Monster is. Ty-bo could care less. He has no mind set about anything but cartoons and play station. Geeshhh!
Anyway, I best get back to it.
Till next time....
Mental out

Dotster Sale!

2008-07-03T09:36:00.001-04:00

What a great deal!! If you want a domain name, this seems like the way to go!
No, this post is not sponsored by Dotster. I just happen to be a Dotster myself and thought you all might like a great deal!
Check it out for yourself.

Winding Down to Wind Up!

2008-07-02T13:14:00.002-04:00

It's Wednesday, one of my favorite days. Why? Cause it's only 2 more days to Friday AND, the boss is always out of the office on Wednesdays making for a very relaxed working environment. We seem to get much more done on Wednesdays.
This Wednesday is even better. It's on a short week, a Holiday week. So, I would normally be winding down today and looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I am looking forward to the weekend but, it's going to be a very busy one. I am going to a get-to-gether on Friday, the 4th of July, a cookout, and watching over the boys, kids and all others as they shoot off TONS of fireworks. Saturday will be doing some work on the new business, doing work on my blogs and working on designs and tutorials for the scrapping sites. Sunday, more work, laundry at the laundromat and more work on the computer.
As I look at what I just typed, I realize it's just another weekend! LOL Always cram packed full and never enough time to get anything accomplished! We make plans, good ones too, and they never, ever work out that way.
I love my life, I thank God for it....I just know that all this drama and hulabalu will count for something in the after life! I just know it!
I have to go look up some concert dates, times and places now. My Mer Monster is dying and I mean D-Y-Y-Y-ing to go see the Jonas Brothers in concert! It's more like Mom is dying with all the pestering and tears!! God give me patience, please oh please!! It is so expensive! I hate the thought that we will probably not be able to go but, I am pretty sure it will work out that way. Gas is too high, the cost of tickets too high...isn't it a shame that our kids miss out on memories these days due to money problems and the cost of everything?! It's sad.
Till next time...
Mental out

Blaaaa!

2008-07-01T08:41:00.002-04:00

After a wild day with the family at Cedar Point, it was 6pm and time to board the chartered bus to return home. My head was pounding after the day in 90 degree+ heat with just as much humidity! Cedar Point is NOT a place for persons of larger size, I might add.
I fought the valiant fight, keeping up with two kids and my hubby who is the biggest kid of all! Running here, there, everywhere, wiping the pouring sweat from my brow as I screamed internally in pure exhaustion.
Now, it was time to go home, looking forward to a restful bus ride where I did not have to move, drive, think or otherwise function, I sat down and my head just about exploded! I thought, I must just be more tired than I thought. By the time we reached our destination, and our own car to drive another 30 minutes to our home, my thoughts were blurry and the explosion in my head was 100 times worse. I almost could not complete the drive home, passing out on a curve isn't the thing to do, let me tell you!
Finally reaching home, silence ensued and we all hit our beds. Waking sometime early the next day to a still screaming head and a body that would not cool down, I knew wasn't going to make for a good weekend. I was suffering and suffering big time! All our weekend plans went out the window as Mom was down for the count!
This is the 4th day from that fated Friday and I still feel like crud! Anyone have any home remedies for an old lady who had too much heat, kids and 'fun'? I am in misery here! LOL

Heart Stopper!!

2008-06-26T10:23:00.005-04:00

I am struck dead at the sight of Jeffrey Dean Morgan!! This man makes my breath catch in my chest every single time I see him!!! He is drop-dead-eatem-with-a-spoon gorgeous!!!!
Ohhh!! My heart leaps to my throat and it is so hard to swallow! Then, WHAM! My heart stops!!

Somebody call 911 cause I am dying here!!

At night I pray, "Dear God, Can I PLEASE, PLEASE Pretty-please with pink sugar on top, have him!!??" So far, I haven't gotten a response.

Anyone got a napkin? I have a little drool on my chin...

Getting Paid to Blog: All or Nothing?

2008-06-26T09:28:00.002-04:00

Many of us saw the news story on the woman who gets 40,000.00$ a month from her blog. We were shocked and just knew we could do it too! Many of us are with PayPerPost. I am as well. However, today I am wondering why. I am not going to pull any punches here...other than the first 2 opportunities I got, one of them for talking about them, there hasn't been any more opportunities! It really makes me sad. I really wanted to do this! I wanted to do a good job at it as well. It was a learning experience in many ways too. There are so many reasons I was excited about it, not just from a monetary sense.
So, far, it seems that it was all talk and no walk. I am hanging in there though and I will keep you updated. If I need to eat my words at a later date, I certainly will do so.
Come on PayPerPost, show me I am wrong here! Give us opportunities!!
A very discouraged blogger....
Mental out

I've Been Tagged!

2008-06-24T16:34:00.005-04:00

OMGsssh!! I've been tagged! Is that a good thing? I have no clue how or who to tag! I might just end up being a random tagger! Hummm might be a good way to make some new friends!
Anyway, here goes:
I was tagged by: http://moonlightscraps.blogspot.com/

When you've been tagged:

These are the rules:1. Link your tagger and list these rules on your blog.2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Ok... 7 facts about myself:

1. Bagpipe music almost always makes me cry!
2. I am the biggest whimp in the world and hate confrontation...but, will kill for loved ones!
3. I was a police officer.
4. There are many people I miss that will always hold a special place in my heart.
5. I am a geek-wanna-be!
6. I am overly sensitive.
7. I LOVE to create things!

People I am tagging:
http://scrappinobsession.blogspot.com/
http://boolanddesigns.blogspot.com/
http://nonsemper.blogspot.com/2008/04/freebie-for-dreamers-only.html
http://aussiescrappers.blogspot.com/
http://arttrails.blogspot.com/
http://pamleforsdesigns.blogspot.com/
http://www.arty-pharty.blogspot.com/

I choose these people as I visit there sites often, learn from them by seeing what they are doing and because I love their work!
Blessings all!

What's Girl To Do?

2008-06-24T10:37:00.008-04:00

So, here I am at work, you know, the job that I won't have in 2 and a half weeks, and here's the issue, or issues as the case may be. I now am no longer interested in being here or really even doing the best job I can do. I know that is wrong, I shouldn't feel that way and I should continue to do the best job possible, I do know that and it is the Christian way, the right way for me. Still, it's very, very hard. Especially since there have been incidents that have occured since they announced in a meeting that I would be out of a job in 3 weeks WITHOUT talking to me first. Imagine my surprise and hurt, plus, everyone looking at me when all I want to do is cry! I can't imagine doing that to anyone! I guess they don't have the same ethics I do.
To top that off, I got a phone call where 2 of the owners were yelling at me about a file and I had no clue what they were talking about! I finally got them to calm down and tell me what in the world they were talking about only to realize, their son, the other owner, had not done what he should have done for me to do my part. I didn't say that but, kindly told them that I had no information on this file. Promptly they called their son and to my astonishment, he tells them that first: he has forgotten to do what he needed to do, then quickly realizes what he's said and amends it with: "I gave it to her 2 months ago, she lost it", which is an out and out lie! Of course, they believe him but, I have the whole team in my department on my side as they all know that was a lie, for various reasons.
So, here I am with this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and heart, not wanting to be here and having to. What do I do? What is the right thing to do? Suck it up and do what I am supposed to no matter what? I guess so but, I really don't want to. Geeshhh...I need more than a deep breath on this one.
I just want a job where I can do a good job, serve a purpose, add to the team a little, use what brain I have and get a little creative! Ok, I would LOVE to get a lot creative but, people don't want to give an old lady with no formal degree, a chance. It's a darn shame cause they don't know what they are missing!! I have tons of ideas, thoughts and abilities! Did you forget that wisdom comes with age, people? Well, at least for some it does. *thinking of my current situation*
For others, not so much.
I wonder if anyone reading this would like an old.... no, well-seasoned, still trainable and more willing to be trained, voluptuous..I throw that in cause we all know that people DO judge by size and looks whether we all want to admit it or not, young at heart lady to work as part of their team....?

L.DS_Daydreams Scrap Review

2008-06-21T09:15:00.002-04:00

Good Morning!

I just finished working with another kit from the wonderful designer Loyal! If you haven't checked her awesome stuff out yet, be sure to do so! You can find her at: http://www.adashofwhimsicalcreations.blogspot.com/

As I was working with this new kit, the first thing I noticed was that she has all the parts nice and organized into folders! Elements and Papers being the two folders and within them, more organized folders. How great is that?! It was easy to choose what things you want to work with when you don't have to hunt and hunt to find them.

The next thing I noticed, she had several wonderful and DIFFERENT papers to choose from! As a designer myself, one thing I have issues with is making papers. She created some very nice, very diversified papers in this kit.I found that this kit leads to inspiration in and of itself. What I mean is, when I opened it to work with, I had no idea of what I was going to do with it. As I looked around it, I started to get ideas! That is amazing! It is a simply kit but the possibilities for creating with it are endless!! Monumental feat, Loyal, and a job well done!!

Another A++ kit in my book just for the inspiration it gave me on an early Saturday morning!

Sad and Blue

2008-06-20T09:39:00.001-04:00

I just found out that due to cost cutting for the company, I will no longer have a job in three weeks! I am scared, no, terrified and simply beyond knowing what to do! I can't think, I just want to cry! This economy we live in is killing us!!
I am doing my best to put it in God's hands. That is just so hard to do!
By God's Grace....
Mental

Fantasy Air Scrap Kit Review

2008-06-18T17:11:00.004-04:00

Greetings!

I am honored to have been asked to review this wonderful scrap kit by Loyal! It is called Fantasy Air and I used the tagger sized version for review.
First and foremost, I LOVE the colors in this set! Very soft and yet...strong, if that makes sense? They didn't wash out when you combined them with the elements. Therefore, you didn't loose your background papers and I love that!
The elements were frames and bows. I rarely use frames but, I found that these frames worked very well with the creation process making it easy and quick to create a tag. Very useful for quick tags like you use when welcoming a new member.
I also checked any resizing issues and found none! That is an A++ in my book! Too often when you have to resize to make tags, they come out jaggedy and unclear. Not so in this case!
I found this kit to be lovely and wonderful for quick tag making! Thank you, Loyal, for another wonderful kit!

Please visit Loyal's site for more great scrapping kits! http://www.adashofwhimsicalcreations.blogspot.com/

Crazy Life!

2008-06-16T13:16:00.002-04:00

Wow! Things are really crazy round the Mental Home! What is in the water? The air? Full moon? I haven't a clue but, it's nuts! The kids are all wired up and non-stop, other half won't sit still or even take a breath to let me talk to him about anything before he is up and running again!
I need some peace, sanity and structure and all that is out the window for sure! Did I make life this way? Or, did someone who really had it out for me, do this to me? *wiggles eyebrows in a investigative, peering fashion* LOL
I want to create! My family won't give me time to just sit down, uninterrupted and let me be! I promised myself that this last weekend I would do my creating and that was that! Did I get it done? Heck no! I was off running and running, paying this bill and that, going here and there, errands for everyone and when at home, doing everything for everyone! If I only had the night time, when everyone was asleep, I know I would get masterpieces started AND finished! Ah well. Such is life right now. I barely have time to keep up here!
Well, I finished my part of our Collaborative kit at ABCDesignz and although it wasn't as I envisioned when I started out, I got something done. Be sure to check it out at our scrapsite. You can find the link in the Check These Out section of my blog here. I am starting another one as well but, this will be slower. I am wanting to do some really new and different stuff. I was playing a bit the other day before I got interrupted. It's going to be a kind of 'wintery' colored kit with blues and silver so, we will see what happens. I can't wait to see where this new vision for the kit takes me! *smiles*
If only I could get paid for real, for being online and creating!! Oh, I would be in heaven!! I just have to learn more, practice more, read more, visit more tuts and sites, work more in psp and other programs I don't have yet... I NEED more time! LOL
Till we meet again...
Mental out!

Catching Up!

2008-06-11T10:57:00.002-04:00

Wow! The last few days have been absolutely a mad house! I have been working double and triple duty at work, with no end in sight. This is a great thing however, it is crazy and while I am fairly new to this duty and still in training, I have only had about 15 minutes of it, I tend to get wild about it. I am just praying that I can work my way through it without making too many BIG mistakes. Small ones I can deal with, big ones, I can deal with but, don't want to have to.
Not only are things wild at work but, at home as well. We are having some issues with Ty...he just doesn't use his head, at all, and therefore making some really stupid and dangerous mistakes! He is not really committing the mistakes himself, only some of them, but, he is hanging out with a friend who is doing some stuff. Now, before you leap on this, Ty only has this one friend and they are pretty closely supervised 99% of the time. Still, boys being boys, they tend to fall below the radar every now and then. It's those times that the problems are occuring. Last night I told Ty that he could not play with this friend any more. Still, I feel bad as he literally was Ty's only friend.
Plus, Mer monster will be coming for the summer this weekend and we have been making arrangements to get her here, dealing with her latest dramas and shopping for end of the year 'must have' items. She is like a whirlwind! She takes your breath away!
And, on top of that, my other half is very, very ill with oral issues! He is in desperate need of surgery with tons of infections and dangerous levels entering his blood system. Not good at all! Since he has no insurance, we can't get this taken care of and I will talk more about that later. I am really upset with this and all he has had to go through while fighting massive pain and infection!
So, busy, busy here and just dropped by to catch up a little. Will be back soon!

It's Monday, again.

2008-06-02T16:28:00.004-04:00

It's Monday and it's back to work. 5 am came very early this morning. Well, it does every morning but, this morning, I really didn't want to get up and get ready or go to work. It's happening more and more. Ah well, such is life. I am sure it is that way for everyone, for the most part.
I wanted to have something really cool to blog about today but lately my creative juices have not been flowing. It's ok, it happens. I will get in the groove again soon. If you would like, check out some other sites I work on: http://www.mentalnotez.blogspot.com/ and http://www.abcdesignz.blogspot.com/ or my homepage: http://www.mentalnotez.com/ Please bare in mind that I am only a geek-wanna-be and not a full grown geek yet. Somedays I wonder if I will ever grow up and then other days, I don't want to grow up! Ahhhh will I ever learn. LOL
Today Ty gets to stay home on his own, for the first time. Big J is more than a little nervous about this. Let me back up a bit...Ty is my husband and I's youngest of 3. Ty is 11 but, he is a little bit behind mentally than he should be. He can't help it, he's had some issues. Ty is my step-son actually and without going into a lot ot details, he came to live with us about 5 months ago now. Where he lived before....we will just say it was certainly NOT the best environment for a child. It's sad and tragic but, happy days are here for Ty now. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent!) ((I always wanted to say that! LOL))So, Ty is a bit slower than the other 2 creatures we have but, he will be fine. Big J, my hubby, is pretty worried but, he is giving this whole independance thing a shot, starting with today. I am crossing my fingers for him. In 2 weeks, his older terror of a sister will be here with him. I am not too sure that it will be any better for him when she is here. Merkle is 13 and wayyyyy ahead of her years. She lets Ty and everyone else know it as well. I have to give her credit though. she is gooooood sometimes in her....ah...adventures. When she was here for Christmas break, she and her friend snuck into Ty's room during the night. (He sleeps like the dead!) They proceeded to give him a make over, included was the ever popular hair conditioner called 'shaving creme' , hot pink lipstick, lavishly applied to lips AND cheeks, sparkling pink eye shadow and more! Then, the took pictures and posted it for the world to see...Ty in all his glory...on Myspace. I soooo had to restrain myself from just busting a gut laughing when it was time to 'punish' Merkle!

Anyway, I am sure Ty will be fine. It will be a learning and growing experience for him. And, he has all the emergency numbers and good neighbors to call on should something occur. The real threat is when Big J comes home and sees that Ty didn't listen to a word about what chores were to be done. No crossing my fingers on that one...Ty is a goner!

Till next time... God bless and keep you!
Mental

You can too!

2008-05-29T10:57:00.004-04:00

Hey, did you know that everytime you click an Advertisement on this page, I get some money! Yeppers! That is true.
I try to only put really neat Ads on the page, or Ads that might really be of interest to you so you aren't bogged down with a lot of crap Ads. So, please, CLICK away! There are so really great ones at the bottom of my blog so be sure to check those out.
Are you interested in blogging for money too? There is a group of people, of friends, that are trying to do just that, make extra money for our families. If you want more information, please check out Remember When, it is an online support group/teaching group, that helps beginners just like me. Hey wait, that is me! :O) Here is the link: http://friendshelpfriends.blogspot.com/
Have a Blessed Bloggin Day!
Mental

Too Much Ghost Hunters?

2008-05-29T09:07:00.004-04:00

'There's somethin weird, in the neighborhood' *singing in the tune of GhostBusters song.* Ok, something is going on and I am not sure what. Here's the scoop. Over the last month, or two, I have been awoken from a 'dead' sleep by a knock on my bedroom window. Let me back up and set the stage.
I live in a first floor apartment. There are about 6 buildings in the complex and my building is the back building, my apartment on the corner. Think of a square, I would be located in the left hand, front corner. More of a rectangle actually but, that's neither here nor there.
3 times now, I have been woken up but a loudish knocking on my bedroom window only to find nothing and no one there. I am not dreaming. Let me qualify that, I was dreaming twice when this occured however it brought me out of my dream and the dreams had nothing to do with my window or my bedroom! It is a very clear, very distinct knock and it is clearly a knocking on the window. Think about it, you know the difference between a knock on wood and a knock on glass right? Yes, you do.
Last night, it happened for the third time. Not only did it happen again but, it was louder and more persistant, if you will. I was dreaming, I was not dreaming a particularly good dream but, it didn't have anything to do with my window, a window, a bedroom or a room for that matter. The knocking always occurs between 3 and 4am. Every time this happens, I wake from a very sound sleep and never see anyone there.
Just so you don't think I am totally 'Mental'..lol My husband was awakened on one occasion as well. He heard the knocking as I did, got up, and checked inside and outside only to find nothing. We both wake/woke immediatly and the window is a large, wide, window so, it would be a bit hard to knock and run without being seen.
Last nights event, being more persistent and seemingly louder, scared the ba-jeebies outta me and I am not ashamed to admit it! I woke instantly, I froze, watching for something, someone, anything to explain what was going on. Nothing. Not a hint of a shadow or movement. I am not sure how long I lay there watching, listening, afraid to move or even breath. Finaly, I told myself that I had to get back to sleep and I began to drift off again, opening my eyes for a few last looks and fell back asleep.
Remembering clearly the events upon the alarm going off, I began to question my sanity. I am watching too much Ghost Hunters? I LOVE that show. Have I opened a door that I shouldn't have and inadvertantly? Is my apartment haunted? Is someone, something, trying to get my attention, to tell me something? Am I hearing things? What is going on? I even went as far as calling the complex manager and asking her if there had been any other reports of this strange knocking and told her what had been happening. She is a 'believer' in the paranormal so, she did not think ok, heres a crazy woman. She was very kind, concerned and understanding.
So, where does this leave me? Sleepless in Indiana? I am not sure at this point. Any thoughts anyone?
Till next time....I'll be watching Ghost Hunters and sleeping as I can. Take care friends and don't let the bed bugs bite!
Mental

Mental Notez

Changes

The last few months

Yesterday and Today

Learning every day.

Moving On

Saturday!

A Day in My Life

On top of it all...

It's Over

Updatee

Quick update

Update

Monday, a day of stress!

Thankful!

Help!

Hitting Home!

No News On The Job Front

More freakin Lemonade!

Part 1

Lemons and Lemonade, enough already!

Getting back in to it!

Time flies

Brrrrr!

Leave a Message!

Updated Mer Monster

Ugh!

Yukkkkkk!

2010 - Must be Sci-Fi

OMGSHHH!!

November Already!

Mondaya!

Opps!!

Cataclysm!

Where does the time go?

Ghosts

Update

Update

A HUGE thing

Talk about YUMMMM....

Tag!

I have a new business!

Ever had those days...

Finally arrived!

Disappointed Mom!

An Award

Light at the end of the tunnel

Big Happenings in this New Year!

Honored!

Happy New Year

A Christmas Miracle!

Almost Christmas

TGIF

White out!

*Sigh*

This and That!

Money Saver Tip!!

Owwww!

Got It!

Today's Opportunity

Loss of a friend

A Day In History

A thought

A Breezy Monday!

Jacqueline's Interview of Mental

A HUGE Thank You!!

Freecycle Organization

This and That

What doesn't kill you makes you...hurt like heck!

Testify

And the rain, rain, rain came down, down, down...

September 11th

Award for Scrapdoctor!

Picking Myself up, or trying to anyway...

For Jacq...

So Thankful!

Growing Up and Out

It's Me

August Already

Yuk..and then some!

Sigh